Expressing


sleeper (1)

I thought she knew
I wanted her close
Felt it, as I held her
in the night
But when she left
I couldn’t summon
the words for her to stay
because rejection
ran too deep In me
Not trusting my actions and desires
had always been a problem I
thought finally dissolved away
This culprit in many of my undoings
made me believe
I never was in the right
So belief in myself
In what I really mean to you
Is elusive at times
Always that fear of losing
Of pushing you away
By saying too much or not enough
So expressing needs, wants, desires
Has become a small wall
In me.
We fool ourselves at believing
others see us, should see us,
But we are all masters at not
showing certain self truths so well
that we get in the way of
everything that life might
offer us as real and good and
end up with nothing.

By Philip Wardlow 2018

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