Tag Archives: relationships

Adrift


Where waves once gently lapped
now they churn
and pound
relentless.

Once anchored,
now moorings torn
dragged out to sea
all now adrift.

Rising phasing fickled moon
taunts like a schoolyard bully
cold and biting
as it sinks away with the
promised sun,
and its burdensome
loathing gonging heat.

Just an insignificant bobber
afloat,
Eyes staring at the nothing and inward
universe, wondering at the why
of it all, and the wanderings
we seek when the world calls.

Fish nibble at toes,
Tasting,
Sharks circle,
Waiting
For the final death throws,
for most like an easy
meal under an early
morning light.

Delirium
brings a dark, dark,
silhouette
against a lit azure sky.
Pulling…tugging
…breathing life…commanding a body and mind
long past dead to
to snap back to resolution.

Blackness enfolds,
Awake,
softness holding
in a quiet room abiding
of the whitest white
With distant shore finally reached.
As a gentle lapping at the shore
comes to finally an open ear
ready to finally hear.

A new way of life.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

Know thyself


Thoughts flit
through
Confused.
Just yet another
challenge in my
mind’s eye
at the ludicrious way
we look at life
and our singlular place in it
Like we are everything or nothing
to each other with no stratum
of between.
I am perfectly flawed
as are they all.
Feeling special is transient
Go. stop. get off.
Get on. Go. stop. get off
Repeat.
I know I will never be enough
and that’s more than fine
For who wants to be all
to anyone.
It’s a burden I can’t carry
yet its still a desire to
try at times.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

Fickle Thing


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Many of my days are good,
rich, full to overflowing
Abundant with love
Buckets sloshing
Passions pulsing
Ever sure, ever wanting,
ever taking of it all
Smiling from the inside
to the out
And I fall to sleep
Cradled in the knowing
Of my perfect world
Right in all its imaginings
Other days, like seeming
clockwork sneak in
To toil, to tire, to pull,
to question me at the what
Of It all.
Waves high overhead crash into me
And I can’t seem to remove myself from this tumultuous beach, to simply
Step back from this seething shore in me and just fucking relax
Give me that! I yell at the darkness
Give me that! Eyes open challenging all
my stupid, blundering thoughts
Head on pillow looking up
At nothing
with fickle sleep not wanting
to come.

By Philip Wardlow 2018

 

 

In Need of


I don’t want to need
for it physically hurts
to need YOU, yet
I want to need you
all the time
Because all of YOU
is never enough.
Fearing the heights,
I walk a tightrope to your kiss
And fall into the netting below after.
Safe, embraced
Still.
Still safe.
Looking up at you precariously perched.
And Me
With intentions to already climb
Up that long ladder once again
For your sweet lips

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Expressing


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I thought she knew
I wanted her close
Felt it, as I held her
in the night
But when she left
I couldn’t summon
the words for her to stay
because rejection
ran too deep In me
Not trusting my actions and desires
had always been a problem I
thought finally dissolved away
This culprit in many of my undoings
made me believe
I never was in the right
So belief in myself
In what I really mean to you
Is elusive at times
Always that fear of losing
Of pushing you away
By saying too much or not enough
So expressing needs, wants, desires
Has become a small wall
In me.
We fool ourselves at believing
others see us, should see us,
But we are all masters at not
showing certain self truths so well
that we get in the way of
everything that life might
offer us as real and good and
end up with nothing.

By Philip Wardlow 2018

She’ll get there


 

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She’s in her head again
blaming all the world’s stones
thrown at her on herself.

Oh baby, don’t you see, your
the beautiful one, the innocent
girl seeking that life all the
others have long
stopped looking for.

Your head is wonderfully in the clouds
It’s all of them who long ago lost
their wings while you continued to sing.

You are something else,
that special mix, that sweet sauce,
that kick, that love that keeps
giving, that sultry smile that drives
me to my knees.

You’ll get there baby girl.
And I’ll hold your hand until
You do.

By Philip Wardlow 2018

 

All I know


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Are you my soulmate?
Are you kin to my spirit within?

At the inception of the universe,
did my atoms mingle with yours?
Did your energies play with my own?

Did destiny play a part in all our fateful
days as we twisted amongst
the stars through billions, and millions of years, to dwindle down to Earth to finally share a kiss which held a resonance and a mysterious affinity
that can not be explained away.

Or I have met you once before in the purgatory of souls lost wondering in the void, finding quiet comfort and caress in the serendipitous chance in a billion, trillion, quintillion of meanderings of spirits. I found you, YOU, amongst the multitude, then lost you fully in memory and in touch as you slowly faded away, what chance then to find you yet again in a dance, in a smile, in a laugh, in a kiss long sought and well remembered.

What chance indeed.

And I remember you, no matter
the mystery of us.
I remember.

By Philip Wardlow 2018

 

Beautiful Drop Dead Dizziness


I won’t complain at the tiredness
in my eyes and befuddled brain,
because of the late night tryst
you and I partook of
when the clothes
came off.
as you electrify
all my senses
in one intense
sequence of
events starting with
a drawn out kiss
full of delicious
heart felt
endearing sweet
recklessness
and abandon
that even after
being gone from you
a day, or an hour or two I find
I miss.
Wholehearedly and objectively.
Profusely, never obtusely
I see that I am good
for you and you are
good for me
You are just
the right kind
of drop dead
dizzy.

By Philip Wardlow 2018

Not much Time left for you


Stop, please cease and desist.
Don’t fatigue me with humor
from an encrypted list

That only you have the key to
and do not wish to share
as you give me yet another vacant stare.

Egotism seems to be your religion,
a character flaw so ingrained into you
that it’s exclusive to everything you do.

Vindictiveness is your fallback,
a solitary friend who knows you well
as you sit there alone in your man-made cell.

Even if you were to apologize
for your misbegotten callous deeds,
your sickly smile causes it to be ill received.

Still you smile that sardonic smile,
thinking you are the king’s clown
to entertain the masses as you fall down.

Tell me a riddle of what I did see
in you that made me think in that moment
I would find a soul deserving my lament.

Oh woe is me to ever possibly call you a friend
Woe is me to not see the signs
so easily to be seen by the blindest of the blind.

Love could save you and make you whole,
change the boy to a man and the fear to admission
that life offers a cure to your self-inflicted condition.

Little do you know that time is not kind.
It seeks no friends, it cares not for your life.
It does not sit and wait for you to make up your mind.

By Philip Wardlow