Tag Archives: hope

You think you have me all figured out


A man tells me he knows me,
has me all figured out.
He has got me all encapsulated
in a little box
Man, I don’t even know me,
so how do you?

So please just shut up
just shut the fuck up
Telling me I shouldn’t see color
Shit man, I can only be blind to color
once the world allows me to be blind to it.

I am black, I am a brown, I am white,
whatever shade you would like,
whatever hue, whatever tone,
please ascribe.
Define me, ridicule and deride me,
you will never know the true me
beneath my skin let alone
what’s in these old bones I call my home
because you haven’t held them
and walked in ’em
feeling the full weight
of ’em.
You haven’t begun
to figure me out
But you will one day
as will I.

by Philip Wardlow

Two Sides to Me


I was told today to be decisive.
I was told today that my response
to stopping racism was the typical
answer that would never work and
has never worked.

I was told that my ideals were not enough

You don’t think I want to do a Boston Tea Party
on all their asses,
to burn and pillage, boycott and tear down
all the apathetic institutions and cold corporations that
turn a blind eye to the
many colored man,
to turn my back on authority while giving the middle
finger to it all?

Fuck yes. Every damn day.

Yet, I don’t want my world to burn
around me even though
it burns from within.

I don’t want a black old man crying
in the streets because his
business burned to the ground.

I don’t want a white old man
bleeding profusely after
being knocked to the ground.

I don’t want death, I don’t want destruction.
I don’t want hate. I don’t want fear.
I want compassion
I want cooperation
I don’t want division
I don’t want disdain
I want respect.
I want justice.
I want inclusion.
I don’t want any more Martyrs
for the cause.

There has never been indecision in me,
only the resolve
for all the world
to finally
wake the fuck up.

by Philip Wardlow June, 2020

Order is in the Bar


A cold fire burns within and without in the world I dwell in, and they all dance on a pin while I sit wondering why they dance at all, and what tune is playing as they dance, and do they even hear the music that they dance to because it’s god awful.

I press my ear to the wall in my hotel room and I hear their gibbering, muffled words coupled with occasional laughter. The snatches of conversation never seem to come into focus, never revealing anything but more mysteries of a world that I could never truly see. It’s one of lofty laughter and sick sorrows, and fears reflected off a dirty black mirror sucking in all the known. In that room, desires are unfurled, as regrets are thrown to the floor, forgotten, with lessons never picked up and put in their proper place upon the shelf.

Chaos reigns in that room as Order has a left a long time ago and gone for a drink in the hotel bar down below.

I pound against the wall, over and over.

“Hear me!” I yell at the peeling paint.

“See me!” I yell through the thick crumbling plaster.

“Let me into your party!” For I need talk sense to you savages, or at the very least strangle you all completely so I can finally go peacefully to sleep.

The music abruptly stops. The mumbling, murmurs, and gaiety subside.

Have they heard me? All is quiet.

Then there is laughter all around, and a banging back upon my wall as if by a hundred, a thousand, no a million hands, and one clear word shining through it all of being called a “FOOL” right before the music resumes, louder and more raucous than before.

My fists clinch, eyes becoming intense as dark deeds flood every particle of me. Destruction reigns, blood rising as my blue view begins to fade to a pale red creeping to a dark hue.

Then comes a knock at my hotel room door.

I walk over, looking through the peephole and it’s Order, eye to eye with me.

I fling open the door ready to give him peace of my mind.

“I thought you might need a friend,” Order says,  grinning with whiskey in hand as he walks in, bringing all his new found followers, never ending, flowing in, filling my room complete.

Order’s smile is infectious and I smile back as the cold fire within burning  begins to warm.

I laugh loud and hard, bringing out glasses for everyone, filling them, with Whiskey neat, passing them out fast as I fill them

“A toast, a toast” I say, with a flourish of my glass, “To Order, my friend, for your time shall come as will our own, so drink, drink and turn the damn music up and lets have some fucking fun!

by Philip Wardlow Feb, 2020

The Red Queen


She once sat a throne of bones
and violence, of endings
and beginnings unwinding,
while always seeking a home.

I found her to be funny, frivolous,
fraught, extreme, and sublime
all in a few heartbeats
of a day.

She seeks the happy,
as she delves for the pride inside
of her and the precious life
that resides in the self.

All her shimmer
rides a rail of magic,
all her gold glitters
at the end of a lost rainbow.

Her beauty often touches
on another world,
where mysteries come alive
and mesmerize
only to slowly fade away.

She has made a home of me,
and I am grateful in that
choosing, for there is
no other place I wish
for her to be.

For she will forever in a day
be my Queen.

by Philip Wardlow Jan, 2020

Paper Airplane


Need to catch that paper airplane
to the next place,
ride the updrafts
of the four winds
where ever they may carry
I just gotta go
don’t you see?

My tickets been punched
my seat is waiting
for me and
it ain’t free
I’ve saved
a lot for this trip
down to the last penny.

So don’t trip
telling me I got to stay
when you’ve already traveled
so far away
from me.

Not much time,
they’re calling my name
through the intercom
Sun’s dipping
down to the horizon
and they don’t
wait for no one.

So let me catch that
paper airplane and be
about my way.
And you may hear
from me one day
or maybe you won’t
That’s never easy
to say.

But I’ve got a flight
to make that’s gonna
take me far,
whether through desolation or
an adventure
its all the same
along as it’s away from here.

I’ve got a destiny
with the sky tonight
and ain’t nobody
taking that from me

By Philip Wardlow 2019

The Day


The sun is shining
yet,
I woke up today to clouds and rain
I woke to a dismal day
but now the sun is shining
and I can’t find a thing that causes me to complain
because I woke up today
and it was drip dripping so I went back in
and closed the door
tight.
But later when I looked back out
the sun was shining
and I couldn’t shove
the smile from my face.
by Philip Wardlow 2018

Contentment


Contentment, they say,
is synonymous with happiness,
satisfaction, fulfillment
and more;
more words of
peaceful denouement leading to seeming
roads of blissful ends.

Perhaps and perhaps not.
At the most I would pluck
“satisfaction” from that pile
of useless defining words that they
try to ascribe
to life
of whats and what nots.

Satisfaction at knowing
you tried your best,
and still failed at it all
in the end,
satisfaction that you don’t
give a damn to fight that
fight anymore
no matter how much they implore
that you should.

That you smile in satisfaction
at the day that greets you,
whether the weather
is bleak and cold
or
sunny and warm.
You appreciate the day
for just being the day
Here, now and forever
more.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

Why don’t we


Why don’t we buy a house
and call it our home
Live in it til
we’re gray and old
and the toothless dog
can’t chew his bone.

Why don’t we just let go,
pour it all out,
the fears, worries, and woe
Flush the toilet
and watch the shit
spin away forever gone.
And if backs ups
we plunger that bitch
until it drains
away.

Why don’t we
stoke the fire,
pour a drink at the bar
pet the cat as it
curls up close.
and yes that was a
euphemism for sex
meaning, let’s get it on.

Why don’t we
trust in us.
In that wonderful thing called love,
know it’s forever
bought and sold
no returns
rip up the receipt,
the stores closed,
out of business,
torn down.

You are mine and I am
yours.
No take backs.
Sold.

By Philip Wardlow 2019

What Dreams may Come


 

One day I will know me,
where my dreams and fancies
meet my real reality,
where veils are lifted
and the stars cease
in their laughter
of me,
where seeming gods
big or small
give pause
and throw me a wink
and nod my way
as if to say,
you finally get
it son
you finally get
it, now move forward
and flourish.

by Philip Wardlow 2019

Starting out


Starting out,
she was perfect,
snow white in complexion
with hands and legs of delicate
moving intent.
She had a curious furious mind,
flitting like a butterfly.
Her dreams took her everywhere
she wanted to go,
just to be.
Her smile was pure and outpouring
magical and inviting.
Her laugh was infectious and inclusive
Her empathy for a friend
heart rending and knife cutting
to the bone of the soul.

She was what beauty was always meant to be.

Then one day she heard the words and phrases
of the malintent
she’s not as pretty as some, or that
brain between yours ears
will never get you very far
And thoughts of fancy are
best left forgotten,
placed in a locked box
and dumped into the sea.

All her seeming sins were brought up from the depths
and laid bare by muted lovers never seeing their own
ill gotten gains.
Violent beating words, followed by choking pushing
declarations of malevolent “loving” motives
left her mind a fractured land
she was scared to travel,
day or night.

At the start of my first
pause at seeing her
really seeing her,
she was magic personified in flesh.
A bright pulsing blue
engulfing.
A rushing vibrant river come to claim
and I smiled inside
at the taking of me.

I saw in her the inception
of the girl and the woman that was always there
I saw all those things they could not
in her
And I told her so.
as she smiled
tears falling.

by Philip Wardlow 2018