Tag Archives: life

My Dreamcatcher


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She enchanted me
pulling me into her dreams
No moment in time clearly defined
when it came to her
From Iguanas spelled with an E
Hoola Hoops spinning
Trampoline jumping to blue skies
To dancing in the kitchen
…please come see,
all the many talents that reside in her
She’s a spitfire and a rogue,
who doesnt like to do as she’s told
“Mucho mean Maria” takes no prisoners
Fearless of heights, but won’t walk a frozen pond,
Yet, she’ll dance on and on to our
favorite song long after everyone
is gone from the floor.
A tenacious Princess with a kiss
full of spells that intertwine and weave and reach deep into me.
She’s magical, a delicate delight
that’s why I intend to make
her my wife.

By Philip Wardlow 2018

 

Leave me Be


 

I wake up early
Laying there in the dull
grey darkness.
Aches, pains, tensions, and worries
intrude then.
Some I expect and accept, others I reject.
The rejected ones
Need to leave me be.
Just be
For once.
Perhaps this is what being
is for me.
Has always been
This conflicted contentment
This feared future
Not ever defined
Until it comes to pass
These runaway days
I chase after but they
fade, fade, fade
But I breathe a whispered
fuck you Mr. Future.
And get up when
the sun shines through
into my room.
Kiss you on the
cheek
And enjoy this
beautiful day.

by Philip Wardlow

Unprocessed


I learned long ago
to bury my feelings in every
day life
the highs and the lows.
Why be happy when its just going to be
taken away in an instant.
And why show you are sad when you will
just bring every one down and they
really don’t care anyways.
So I smile. I joke.
I say I’m good, how about you,
to turn the conversation
away from me.
I have always been good at that.

But it builds in me
This tension.
Stresses of the day, anger at people, fears in life, continued failures.
I hold it.
I do much better inside when I let it out.
And I do.
Like reading a book, or watching a movie
I fall away from the world and I am just am.
Pushing my body in a work out, hard, really hard.
Having good sex, really good sex.
A good stiff drink.
Retreating.

But I’m working up to a better version of attack.
Talking to someone I trust to find
the feelings I can’t express or bring to
focus to what’s inside me that hides there even from me.
Like why I feel anxiety about seemingly stupid things I
shouldn’t.
Unresolved anger that I say doesn’t bother
me but does.
Why I fear a future I should love to imagine.
Hitting a punching bag helps,
riding my bike, free, unfettered
in the sun, in the wind
Away from the world.
Helps

But engaging really is the key.
I am releasing that need to
keep that wall sustained
I think it has hurt me way more
than it has ever helped

I want my melancholy to melt
I want my mind to connect
and my smile to flourish
in every possible way.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

My View of You


 
Bright reds
Calming blues
Exploded
In my head
Crazy swirling futures
Abounded when you came
Into view
Hope returned
Tender thoughts flowed
simply knowing you existed
in this world
You brought me to my knees
Seeking something
close to you
If it could not be you
Oh,
If it could not be you
Let it be something
Close to you.
Please see
You are my direction
I seek,
My compass
Following
True North
I have become a
free spirit forever
flowing down
a lazy river to your
final embrace
of your
welcoming shores
by Philip Wardlow 2018

I Fear


I fear I will fail myself
and in turn fail you
That you will fade and drift
away from me.
That I will say all the
“right” words
And you will still go
because I wasn’t enough.
That the me I am
cant sustain
the path you
wish to take
I fear your eyes
not seeing me anymore
I fear your hands
not wanting my touch
I fear your silent words
unsaid.
I fear the distance that might
grow between us
never
coming close
ever again
I hold too tightly
in this instance
I fear everything about
it ending.
And then it did.

by Philip Wardlow 2018 (written in 2017)

To and Fro


 

To and fro
she went,
from home to work,
then work to home.

Petted her cat, read her books,
and sat alongside a man she loved
who didn’t really see
the aurora borealis
of blues, greens,
and flits of purple
and passionate reds.
that resided in her.
looking for release.

But to bed she went
for a fuck and perhaps a
little bit of luck
that a spark would ignite
a connection
that would light
the days of her dark
wonderings of a life
long sought.

That he would come to see
her,
and love her the right way,
the way she always dreamed
it should be.

yet, still even now
she goes to and fro
Ever hopeful of a different
outcome than before
legs still open
heart still open
with eyes still burning
all those dancing
colors within.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

**character study for Erotic Novel working on for this year.

Changes and Letting go


When younger, my life seemed in constant change and turmoil at times; parents fighting, my mom running. Always never knowing what was to come next around the corner. Where I might live. What school I might be attending. What friends I might have. What was right, what was wrong. My dad dying. My brothers fighting with me. Stealing from me.

Seeing my family change from happy to bitter and mean and depressed. Seeing them all slowly falling into this pit of darkness and destruction in their own personal lives by all their endless trippings of mistakes they were making and I could do nothing but watch them. I loved them all and I had no guidance myself for what it meant to be a man. My dad died when I was about twelve but my mom had separated and took us from him years before, but I held to him though. The memory of what I knew of my Dad. His caring eyes, his patience, his slow almost reluctance rise to anger. His calm knowledge and assurance of all things that he did teach me before he died.

I pulled him forward with me through time from my terrible junior high days of almost homelessness and trying to maintain decent grades at a school that expected your best at all times. I kept my head up and my smile even through my failings knowing my time would come and I would eventually win through.

I made friends… some good for me, some not so good but they all helped me learn who I was and who I wasn’t and who I wanted to aspire to be as a man all the while my father echoed in my mind.

Girls and Women showed me my failings growing up as the stupid teenager and man later in life that I was. I failed them all in certain ways which caused them to fail me. A collective comedy of errors on all our parts with no blame or disparages to throw.

I found we are all human. All failures big or small.

I have changed. I have grown. I have failed and will probably fail again. But I have learned, I am wiser, I stand taller. I do not look down or am ashamed. Because the past is not me. I am me right now.

Ever moving forward to bigger things.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

Not much Time left for you


Stop, please cease and desist.
Don’t fatigue me with humor
from an encrypted list

That only you have the key to
and do not wish to share
as you give me yet another vacant stare.

Egotism seems to be your religion,
a character flaw so ingrained into you
that it’s exclusive to everything you do.

Vindictiveness is your fallback,
a solitary friend who knows you well
as you sit there alone in your man-made cell.

Even if you were to apologize
for your misbegotten callous deeds,
your sickly smile causes it to be ill received.

Still you smile that sardonic smile,
thinking you are the king’s clown
to entertain the masses as you fall down.

Tell me a riddle of what I did see
in you that made me think in that moment
I would find a soul deserving my lament.

Oh woe is me to ever possibly call you a friend
Woe is me to not see the signs
so easily to be seen by the blindest of the blind.

Love could save you and make you whole,
change the boy to a man and the fear to admission
that life offers a cure to your self-inflicted condition.

Little do you know that time is not kind.
It seeks no friends, it cares not for your life.
It does not sit and wait for you to make up your mind.

By Philip Wardlow

Pooh to Piglet


Pooh to Piglet

By Philip Wardlow

“Why do you suppose we are such good friends Piglet?” asked Pooh as they walked down the road together.

“Because we have been on such great adventures together?” asked Piglet

“Yes, and they were all very frightening but wonderful adventures to say the least, but it’s more than that I think.”   Pooh said very seriously as if in deep thought.

“Well, maybe it’s because we look at the world together and agree about what we see.” said Piglet.

“That is true but we don’t see eye to eye on everything. You often think my pursuit and love of honey gets out of hand at times while I think it can never be enough.”  Pooh smiled and patted his nice round belly absently as he said this.

“Hmmm…you have a point Pooh, there are times in your dreaming and your wonderings where I have come close to my wits end with you.”  Piglet bemoaned to himself as he kicked a small pebble out of Pooh’s path as they walked.

“Yet still we are friends, in all these hundred acre woods we found each other and continue on.” Pooh mused to himself as he walked the road with Piglet.

“Why do you ask anyway Pooh?”  Piglet  turned  to Pooh looking worried.

“Oh just a butterfly of a thought in my brain I get sometimes when I realize how lucky I am.”  Pooh said smiling again.

“Oh.”  Piglet said and smiled with him as they continued their walk down the road as he took Pooh’s hand in his

Connection


I’m not looking for heavy
for my heart already weighs a ton
I’m unloading it day by day
with it weighing just a little less
with each run of the moon and sun.
But it’s a gonna be long while
til the weights all gone.

I just want your words,
I just want your time,
I just want all the things
you can’t give to just anyone.

I offer a shoulder,
I offer a smile and a laugh.
I offer a walk hand in hand
or a slow dance.
I’ll take you to bed
and bring you to that headspace
you crave.
Or we can just curl up
on the couch and snuggle
in our little cave.
Talking away the day.

Connect
extend that line to me
and I’ll connect
back.

Simple as that.