Tag Archives: life

Adrift


Where waves once gently lapped
now they churn
and pound
relentless.

Once anchored,
now moorings torn
dragged out to sea
all now adrift.

Rising phasing fickled moon
taunts like a schoolyard bully
cold and biting
as it sinks away with the
promised sun,
and its burdensome
loathing gonging heat.

Just an insignificant bobber
afloat,
Eyes staring at the nothing and inward
universe, wondering at the why
of it all, and the wanderings
we seek when the world calls.

Fish nibble at toes,
Tasting,
Sharks circle,
Waiting
For the final death throws,
for most like an easy
meal under an early
morning light.

Delirium
brings a dark, dark,
silhouette
against a lit azure sky.
Pulling…tugging
…breathing life…commanding a body and mind
long past dead to
to snap back to resolution.

Blackness enfolds,
Awake,
softness holding
in a quiet room abiding
of the whitest white
With distant shore finally reached.
As a gentle lapping at the shore
comes to finally an open ear
ready to finally hear.

A new way of life.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

The Good Stuff


When did the world
forget the good stuff
Or did it ever truly know it?
To appreciate the day simply
because it was there
For ya.
Spread out like a field full of dandelions waiting to be lazy with.
Catching that breeze through
swaying trees
Noticing that Miss dressed
In her summer dress
Walking down the street past ya.
having an ice cream cone on a whim
just cuz she could.
Futures aren’t promised
This day.
This day,
Is the good stuff
The best stuff
You will ever see.21555963.gif

This Apple Cart


 

Apple Cart 12 x 16 acrylic on panel 300 dpi wm-1

I always want you and I
to get drunk on each other
Not get drunk just to be
together

I want our smiles to be freely given,
not pulled out like a rotten tooth
and spit on the floor

Let’s hold each other tight, but
not so much the air cant get in
or out.

Let’s love without fear that the other one is not going to up and disappear
In a moment when the “perfection” is gone.

Let us let know each other at the most
Inappropriate times and to
have the courage to ask for a hug at
3 o’clock when our world has gone awry.

Let’s pull that Apple cart together and not care when an apple or two falls out when a bump in the road comes a calling.

Let’s just be that love we first sought, let’s just see that same look in both our eyes never reading more or less.

Let’s just…

By Philip Wardlow 2018

Fickle Thing


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Many of my days are good,
rich, full to overflowing
Abundant with love
Buckets sloshing
Passions pulsing
Ever sure, ever wanting,
ever taking of it all
Smiling from the inside
to the out
And I fall to sleep
Cradled in the knowing
Of my perfect world
Right in all its imaginings
Other days, like seeming
clockwork sneak in
To toil, to tire, to pull,
to question me at the what
Of It all.
Waves high overhead crash into me
And I can’t seem to remove myself from this tumultuous beach, to simply
Step back from this seething shore in me and just fucking relax
Give me that! I yell at the darkness
Give me that! Eyes open challenging all
my stupid, blundering thoughts
Head on pillow looking up
At nothing
with fickle sleep not wanting
to come.

By Philip Wardlow 2018

 

 

Expressing


sleeper (1)

I thought she knew
I wanted her close
Felt it, as I held her
in the night
But when she left
I couldn’t summon
the words for her to stay
because rejection
ran too deep In me
Not trusting my actions and desires
had always been a problem I
thought finally dissolved away
This culprit in many of my undoings
made me believe
I never was in the right
So belief in myself
In what I really mean to you
Is elusive at times
Always that fear of losing
Of pushing you away
By saying too much or not enough
So expressing needs, wants, desires
Has become a small wall
In me.
We fool ourselves at believing
others see us, should see us,
But we are all masters at not
showing certain self truths so well
that we get in the way of
everything that life might
offer us as real and good and
end up with nothing.

By Philip Wardlow 2018

My Dreamcatcher


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She enchanted me
pulling me into her dreams
No moment in time clearly defined
when it came to her
From Iguanas spelled with an E
Hoola Hoops spinning
Trampoline jumping to blue skies
To dancing in the kitchen
…please come see,
all the many talents that reside in her
She’s a spitfire and a rogue,
who doesnt like to do as she’s told
“Mucho mean Maria” takes no prisoners
Fearless of heights, but won’t walk a frozen pond,
Yet, she’ll dance on and on to our
favorite song long after everyone
is gone from the floor.
A tenacious Princess with a kiss
full of spells that intertwine and weave and reach deep into me.
She’s magical, a delicate delight
that’s why I intend to make
her my wife.

By Philip Wardlow 2018

 

Leave me Be


 

I wake up early
Laying there in the dull
grey darkness.
Aches, pains, tensions, and worries
intrude then.
Some I expect and accept, others I reject.
The rejected ones
Need to leave me be.
Just be
For once.
Perhaps this is what being
is for me.
Has always been
This conflicted contentment
This feared future
Not ever defined
Until it comes to pass
These runaway days
I chase after but they
fade, fade, fade
But I breathe a whispered
fuck you Mr. Future.
And get up when
the sun shines through
into my room.
Kiss you on the
cheek
And enjoy this
beautiful day.

by Philip Wardlow

Unprocessed


I learned long ago
to bury my feelings in every
day life
the highs and the lows.
Why be happy when its just going to be
taken away in an instant.
And why show you are sad when you will
just bring every one down and they
really don’t care anyways.
So I smile. I joke.
I say I’m good, how about you,
to turn the conversation
away from me.
I have always been good at that.

But it builds in me
This tension.
Stresses of the day, anger at people, fears in life, continued failures.
I hold it.
I do much better inside when I let it out.
And I do.
Like reading a book, or watching a movie
I fall away from the world and I am just am.
Pushing my body in a work out, hard, really hard.
Having good sex, really good sex.
A good stiff drink.
Retreating.

But I’m working up to a better version of attack.
Talking to someone I trust to find
the feelings I can’t express or bring to
focus to what’s inside me that hides there even from me.
Like why I feel anxiety about seemingly stupid things I
shouldn’t.
Unresolved anger that I say doesn’t bother
me but does.
Why I fear a future I should love to imagine.
Hitting a punching bag helps,
riding my bike, free, unfettered
in the sun, in the wind
Away from the world.
Helps

But engaging really is the key.
I am releasing that need to
keep that wall sustained
I think it has hurt me way more
than it has ever helped

I want my melancholy to melt
I want my mind to connect
and my smile to flourish
in every possible way.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

My View of You


 
Bright reds
Calming blues
Exploded
In my head
Crazy swirling futures
Abounded when you came
Into view
Hope returned
Tender thoughts flowed
simply knowing you existed
in this world
You brought me to my knees
Seeking something
close to you
If it could not be you
Oh,
If it could not be you
Let it be something
Close to you.
Please see
You are my direction
I seek,
My compass
Following
True North
I have become a
free spirit forever
flowing down
a lazy river to your
final embrace
of your
welcoming shores
by Philip Wardlow 2018

I Fear


I fear I will fail myself
and in turn fail you
That you will fade and drift
away from me.
That I will say all the
“right” words
And you will still go
because I wasn’t enough.
That the me I am
cant sustain
the path you
wish to take
I fear your eyes
not seeing me anymore
I fear your hands
not wanting my touch
I fear your silent words
unsaid.
I fear the distance that might
grow between us
never
coming close
ever again
I hold too tightly
in this instance
I fear everything about
it ending.
And then it did.

by Philip Wardlow 2018 (written in 2017)