Tag Archives: life

The Wheel of Emotions


My  world is a colorful multitude
Spinning
An intense electric ecstasy  mixed with shallow peaks of disassembled anger
covered with the taint of unfocused sadness
I swim through admiration of a love language
overflowing .
Yet fearful of drowning in inadequacies
of not being good enough
That it will all fall apart
every single stitch to come
undone
leaving the garment
in loose piles upon
a cold uncaring floor.

Yet, trust leads to anticipation
Possible acceptance
I choose you
over and over again
I choose you
with vigilance
I choose,
Steadfast,that love
can win
while the
rest continue
to spin.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

The Twistings of Feeling


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I don’t want to
fight the tight
winding tornado
that spins and ravages
within,
Let it rage I say
It’s been corralled
too long
way too long.
But what of
of its desolation?
Tornadoes
are not creatures
of creation
but of beautiful obliteration.
What good
could ever come
of its release?
Perhaps,
Just perhaps,
Once the whirlwind
Dies upon
Release
A silent peace
will follow
and the
world will
right
And settle,
Slowly
Bit
by
Falling
Bit
Into
Place
Again
On a clear
swept
Field.

By Philip Wardlow

Tensions and Potentials


Funny how a day plays
Out
From all the rest
In
the moment of a crash
Between
worlds never knowing
Upon
the other’s shoulders
What
weights they bear in silence
Who
they fear in ignorance
Why
roads are traveled
When
all the open paths
Array
around them
Pulling
at heart strings
Confounding
A mind conflicted
toward
either violent ends or
after
internal deliberation
to
peaceful meditation
where
past sins
are
finally
put
to bed
And wistful dreams
meander
in now a
serenely
quiet
head.

By Philip Wardlow 2018

I think that’s my problem


 

 

I didn’t use to care where the day took me too much.  I didn’t care to have a grand plan on where my life was going.  I was enjoying the journey, the experiences, the places, and the small changes in me that lifted.

Now, I think too much.  Way too much on the proper placement of a day, an hour, or a minute.  I want those self imposed puppet strings cut and to walk this life unfettered, unknotted, from my limited post of reason stuck in the hard hard ground of a seeming need to control a life that doesn’t need controlling, but living.

I get angry, tense, anxiety ridden, depressed, melancholy, or lost at sea when the world in me doesn’t sync up with the rest of the outer.

But that feeling flows away, when I remember all the times when the world did make sense, gave comfort, seemed on my side, or drew me into a content embrace telling me a secret I didn’t know I sought.

You are home child. You  are home.

Enjoy the morning rising. Feel the flash of life.  Take a breath , now really breath it in and exhale it all out.

That’s all you need says the Universe,  that calming breath.

 

by Philip Wardlow 2018

 

Melancholy Man


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I got reasons and I have none
For the times I smile and the times
I dont
But please know, you saved
The melancholy man in me
Yes, you surely did save
this melancholy man.
That kiss you give,
those eyes that see me
Truly
You saved me
And my muddling mind
It’s coming to focus again
On the wonder
The rare,the magic,
the potential
And hope in everyone
I feel it rising
like my
Love for you
Already has.
So stay forever my sweetness
And keep this
melancholy man
company

By Philip Wardlow 2018

 

Adrift


Where waves once gently lapped
now they churn
and pound
relentless.

Once anchored,
now moorings torn
dragged out to sea
all now adrift.

Rising phasing fickled moon
taunts like a schoolyard bully
cold and biting
as it sinks away with the
promised sun,
and its burdensome
loathing gonging heat.

Just an insignificant bobber
afloat,
Eyes staring at the nothing and inward
universe, wondering at the why
of it all, and the wanderings
we seek when the world calls.

Fish nibble at toes,
Tasting,
Sharks circle,
Waiting
For the final death throws,
for most like an easy
meal under an early
morning light.

Delirium
brings a dark, dark,
silhouette
against a lit azure sky.
Pulling…tugging
…breathing life…commanding a body and mind
long past dead to
to snap back to resolution.

Blackness enfolds,
Awake,
softness holding
in a quiet room abiding
of the whitest white
With distant shore finally reached.
As a gentle lapping at the shore
comes to finally an open ear
ready to finally hear.

A new way of life.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

The Good Stuff


When did the world
forget the good stuff
Or did it ever truly know it?
To appreciate the day simply
because it was there
For ya.
Spread out like a field full of dandelions waiting to be lazy with.
Catching that breeze through
swaying trees
Noticing that Miss dressed
In her summer dress
Walking down the street past ya.
having an ice cream cone on a whim
just cuz she could.
Futures aren’t promised
This day.
This day,
Is the good stuff
The best stuff
You will ever see.21555963.gif

This Apple Cart


 

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I always want you and I
to get drunk on each other
Not get drunk just to be
together

I want our smiles to be freely given,
not pulled out like a rotten tooth
and spit on the floor

Let’s hold each other tight, but
not so much the air cant get in
or out.

Let’s love without fear that the other one is not going to up and disappear
In a moment when the “perfection” is gone.

Let us let know each other at the most
Inappropriate times and to
have the courage to ask for a hug at
3 o’clock when our world has gone awry.

Let’s pull that Apple cart together and not care when an apple or two falls out when a bump in the road comes a calling.

Let’s just be that love we first sought, let’s just see that same look in both our eyes never reading more or less.

Let’s just…

By Philip Wardlow 2018

Fickle Thing


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Many of my days are good,
rich, full to overflowing
Abundant with love
Buckets sloshing
Passions pulsing
Ever sure, ever wanting,
ever taking of it all
Smiling from the inside
to the out
And I fall to sleep
Cradled in the knowing
Of my perfect world
Right in all its imaginings
Other days, like seeming
clockwork sneak in
To toil, to tire, to pull,
to question me at the what
Of It all.
Waves high overhead crash into me
And I can’t seem to remove myself from this tumultuous beach, to simply
Step back from this seething shore in me and just fucking relax
Give me that! I yell at the darkness
Give me that! Eyes open challenging all
my stupid, blundering thoughts
Head on pillow looking up
At nothing
with fickle sleep not wanting
to come.

By Philip Wardlow 2018

 

 

Expressing


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I thought she knew
I wanted her close
Felt it, as I held her
in the night
But when she left
I couldn’t summon
the words for her to stay
because rejection
ran too deep In me
Not trusting my actions and desires
had always been a problem I
thought finally dissolved away
This culprit in many of my undoings
made me believe
I never was in the right
So belief in myself
In what I really mean to you
Is elusive at times
Always that fear of losing
Of pushing you away
By saying too much or not enough
So expressing needs, wants, desires
Has become a small wall
In me.
We fool ourselves at believing
others see us, should see us,
But we are all masters at not
showing certain self truths so well
that we get in the way of
everything that life might
offer us as real and good and
end up with nothing.

By Philip Wardlow 2018