Category Archives: Movie Reviews

Deadpool Review – Content Warning – Duh!


I agree with everything in this review … spot on…beware Kiddies ..this is definitely a Rated-R Review……no spoilers though….. I am sure small children will watch it because their parents are not watching em anyways…. enjoy it you little fuckers…

 

Best and Worst “Marvel” Movies


 

marvel

I think I compiled the full list of  Marvel movies. That is movies with Marvel Characters in them based on the comic book characters and not movies exclusively made by Marvel studios.

The count I got was 37 Films.. Please correct me if I am in error and I will correct my listing,  and I am not counting Howard the Duck dammit:
My Best to Worst list is my  opinion only of course. Any movie with an asterisk on it is one I have not actually seen but that is not many but I placed them where I thought they deserved to be …probably towards the worst end which was why I didn’t see them in the first place….:)
1. Avengers
2. Captain America 2
3. Antman
4. Guardians of the Galaxy
5. Iron Man 1
6. Spiderman 2 (Tobey Maguire/Dock Ock)
7. Captain America 1
8.  Iron Man 2
9, X-men First Class
10.Blade 1
11.Amazing Spiderman  1 (Andrew Garfield/Origin Story)
12.Thor 1
13.The Incredible Hulk (Edward Norton)
14.Punisher 1
15. Spiderman 1 (Tobey Maguire/Origin Story)
16.Xmen – Days of Future Past
17. Wolverine 2
18. Blade III
19. Iron Man 3
20.Wolverine 1
21. X-men 1
22. Blade 2
23. Avengers 2
24. Thor 2
25. Xmen II
26.Fantastic Four 2 (Silver Surfer)
27. Elektra
28. Daredevil
29. New Fantastic Four*
30. Punisher 2 *
31. Fantastic Four 1 (Original)
32.Spiderman 3
33. X-men 3
34 Amazing Spiderman 2 (Andrew Garfield)
35.The Hulk (Original w/ Eric Bana)
36.Ghost Rider 1* (Saw partially then vomited)
37.Ghost Rider 2* (Saw partially then vomited
Hulksmashing

Glady’s and the Bat – 30 Day Halloween Poem Challenge- Poem #30


Gladys

Glady’s and the Bat

Glady’s was an adventurous girl

prone to fits of dangerous

distraction.

A faired hair maiden.

Fair of mind as well, a simple girl.

but strong of will.

And will it seems, goes a long way in the land of scary make believe.

as you will see.

For a creature existed at the highest of heights

who dwelt in a dark,  dark cave of the evilest intent and might

 At night this foul creature swooped and dove, and dove and swooped

into the quaint little village where Glady’s did dwell,

Shrieking as it flew, it  carried off poor villagers from out of their beds.

The town had dwindled down next to nothing under it’s

never ending onslaught of nightly terror and dread.

Left now, were only Glady’s, the ice cream maker,

the pastor, and poor old widow Lady Albright

to be found in the town at next sundown.

“I shall face this demon,” Gladys told the others calmly.

“Very well, do what you must, but leave us be,” Lady Albright intoned.

“Oh, simple child,” the ice cream maker only said.

“I give you my protection,” the pastor simply said,  as he looked to the heavens.

Gladys boldly walked into the square at twilight while the others peeked

at her from the safety of their bedrooms.

Sweaty palms held tight to her late father’s sword,

now rusted and pitted but still sharp and keen of edge.

A flutter of wings sounded in the distant as

a dark shadow descended.

A flit of nothing flew over Gladys and beyond her.

A  crash of glass, and a scream ripped the night as

poor Lady Abright was plucked from bed and covers.

Her tortuous wail faded into the dark clouds as

the creature escaped back to its lair.

“We must go after her!” Gladys told the others

“Are you daft dear girl, we would surely die!” the cream maker wailed.

“Her fate was already written I am afraid.” said the pastor knowingly

Looking to them both, her eyes narrowed in quiet consternation.

Then an  AHA! moment entered her wee brain.

“Next time he comes I have a plan,” she said quietly.

The moon fell and the sun rose and then the moon rose

again as the next night came.

“I don’t see how this will help, we shall all surely die.

I am the most important can’t you see?  ” the pastor intoned.

They all stood clutching  each other  together tied tight with rough braided

rope at the waist in the middle of the street,

“Are you not assured of your safety through your piety? What’s there

to fear for you?” she smiled slyly.

The ice cream maker shook in his place and simply held tight to his

tub of cream that he had been told to bring.

A shriek preceded it’s shadow as it decended.

Talons clutched and pulled, grabbing the pastor

Yet the pastor did not budge, the weight being too great.

“Hold, monster!” Glady’s  yelled.

“Is it blood you seek? I have something sweeter,”

Glady’s grabbed the tub of cream, popped the top

and plunged her hand in deep.

She then  slathered the good pastor from head to

toe.

“Go ahead have a bite”  Gladys said

The creature landed,

Black fur, big ears,  wings ending in talons,

Teeth white, sharp and long,

Eyes wide and mad approached on spindly legs.

It looked at them each, and slowly full in the eye.

“Sweeeeeeeeeeeet!” it said sniffing the air.

Then bit into the pastor deep.

The pastor squeaked then died.

The dark bat licked the dead pastor clean.

“Mooooore!” it simply said

So Gladys gave him more.

And more, and more.

Now her and the creamer

share a house and keep the cream

well stocked.

As her and her pet bat go

on many a midnight walk.

by Philip Wardlow

Evil Dead -2013 Remake now out on DVD…my review


EvilDead2012Vs

Finally saw the Evil Dead Remake tonight on DVD….yeah it took me a while.  I was busy okay.

First off,  I will start off  by saying I loved the original Evil Dead  movie when I first saw it so many years ago.  You might say it was my very first real Horror movie I ever saw at the movie theatre. I was eleven years old when I saw this movie…ELEVEN!  What was my mom thinking when she took me to this thing? I remember my mom running out in horror about forty-five minutes in, and waiting for us in the lobby until the movie had finished.

Quite a movie  to see for your first horror movie in a theatre, wouldn’t you agree?

It displayed gore in a whole new facet for me. Splurting and sputtering bloody stumps, talking decapitated heads, grinding of  pencils into ankles,  raping via foliage.   It was a pure physical master piece of horrific damage on display. Besides all that, it was a good story.  A fun story. Well fun in the sense that you felt you were there with the characters. You felt what they felt. You were there in the story with them…you felt a part of it.  For me, it was a well paced, well choreographed piece of work that made sense in the world you were suddenly thrown into to try and get a grasp on. Great job Sam Raimi.

NOW for the REMAKE of EVIL Dead 2013 version:

I don’t feel I am giving anything away regarding the plot points of  this movie as I speak about it here.  It’s pretty much similar to the original. A group of five friends find a book of evil  in the  basement of the old cabin, speak words from the book they shouldn’t,  and yes of course call forth an ancient evil,  called I think Shaitan.  Shaitan possesses one of them soon after. Then all hell breaks loose after that.

I will say that the movie started off good, but started to tank about 30 minutes in for me…bad pacing…and the stilted dialogue…characters were not engaging or realistic for people in how they would normally react to certain situations.  Of the five characters only one was interesting with the rest being pretty flat which I don’t think they took full advantage of when they could have.  The positive was that there were sometimes unique grotesque ways of inflicted damage upon others…:)   same as the original movie had done.

For the remake, unlike the original, you never felt like you were part of the movie. Half the time you wanted to yell at the characters and ask them what the hell are you thinking? And why are you leaving her alone?  And why are you leaving her alone…and what the hell are you doing?  Why did just she die like that when all the rest had to die a “certain” way.  Why did you choose an old rusty chainsaw with no gas over a big machete? C’mon!

Towards the end I had to shake my head at one pivotal plot point  that ended with a small twist. Which I thought hey, that’s original,  but not coming from him…he’s been an idiot the whole time in the movie. I don’t buy it. If you want to see what I mean then rent it, but don’t buy it. Please, it’s not worth buying.

For a grade I give it a straight  B.   I was disappointed. I wanted this movie  to be on par with the original but it fell very short for me.  I hear they may also remake Evil Dead II  and perhaps the  Army of Darkness movie as well… I hope they do a better job.  I was only mildly entertained for the unique goriness of it at times but that was it.

I can watch the original again and the other two in the series many times over. I have no desire to see this one ever again. What does that say?

Man of Steel Movie – my Disappointment


ManofSteel    I went in with anticipation….I went in with hope for  a great story. Yes, I know the origin of Superman and say what you will of origin stories being told over and over, I wanted to see it. Kids don’t read comics anymore.  A new generation is born every  eight to ten years…you DO need origin movies whether we like it or not….for the youngins. So had I my bag of popcorn and large Pepsi…and mini peppermint patties. I was outfitted with all the proper accoutrements for movie watching….phone off…I am not a dick….not any even a vibration from me….I was dedicated. I was in. Superman had returned….and it was about damn time. Well, until the movie really started…. First, I was assaulted via my eardrums….the movie was loud…I mean very loud…all the time….I mean constantly…it never let up….turn the volume down movie theatre…I don’t care how the movie came  in.

Okay, so it was loud. Spoiler alert coming – I didn’t mind the little ten minute prequel story to Superman’s parents…I actually enjoyed that…loudness aside. It was new, it was refreshing for me…I was engaged…okay fast forward to the babe “Kalel” leaving the planet Krypton and arriving on Earth via interstellar rocket ship…quick cut to him full-grown as an adult out in the world moving from job to job  as his secret of who he might be is threatened by his own actions. Whether acting through loss of self-control or acts of heroism…he must move on down the road. (kind of like the Hulk)

During this road journey as an adult, we get to see  through flashbacks,his childhood  (which I hated ..I thought his story should have been linear from start to finish because they did a crappy job of the flashbacks)  We learn his origin and his relationship with his parents Ma and Pa Kent….whatever. This is where the story starts to go south for me…Superman’s Earthly father Jonathan Kent played by Kevin Costner was flat as a board can be called flat.  This flatness started with Jonathan Kent and carried over to the rest of the movie and characters. Case in point .  When Young Clark Kent asks his father if he should have just let the kids die on the school bus just to save his identity, Jonathon Kent’s great fatherly advice is “Yeah, I guess maybe you should have.”  and ” Your just too important” .  This is the  constant refrain through the whole movie including the phrase by Jorel,  Superman’s biological father  “The world may is not ready” Thanks dads….fountains of wisdom you both are.

The only saving grace is the character General Zod, played by the actor Michael Shannon.

General Zod

He is the only who remotely had any lines that didn’t come off the assembly line of dialogue and  cliché things to say every five minutes or so. The whole movie read like a 1940s comic book of clichés and plot holes and continuity.., and just plan not making sense… Yes the action was good…but they relied way too much on things exploding  and super human fantastical fights scenes to bring them through. And what the hell was up with Lois Lane appearing everywhere in every scene? The girl got around.  Was she the Flash in disguise?

SO if you like mindless violence go see it.. At the core, this movie lacked heart.  The characters seemed to be stand-ins waiting for the real actors or  feelings to come through which never really did for me. I have heard this movie has gotten some favorable reviews and received well by audiences.. What that says about our expectations and our culture I don’t know. I do know my son, who is a teenager,  thought it lacked any really character development as did my wife. They were flat, my  son said. Yes, that sums it up. They were flat…you didn’t care if they lived or died. from Clark Kent, Lois Lane, Martha Kent, to Perry White. I was rooting for General Zod towards the end.  He at least had a good back story and emoted what he was really  feeling for me…everyone else seemed to be on a Xanax merry go around waiting to get off. I give it a grade of  a B-.

DC  Comics has failed me in this latest installment from their world. I WANTED to like it…I am not being  a hard ass. I am not mentioning a lot of things which annoyed me…one I will say, is  product placement…it was so obvious at times that it took you out of the story and wanted you to go to IHOP for pancakes. Mmmmm pancakes……Okay I’m done.  Save the movie as a rental .

Don’t waste your money or your eardrums on it. Rest in Peace Superman. I hope not to see you anytime soon.

SupermenFuneral

Best movies to put you into the Spirit of Halloween


My friend  and fellow blogger of mine Seth over at Kloipy Speaks posted a blog about 10 things to get you in the Mood for Halloween..so I thought I would post my top Five  favorite HalloweenThemed –  Kid Friendly (well maybe semi-kid friendly for some) to Adult Horror Movies that I like or have liked to watch with my  family around Halloween :

5. Ernest Scared Stupid:

Yes as the title says Ernest is stupid but it’s fun scary stupid. When I first saw this movie I didn’t expect it to be as scary as it was…but it was. Yes it’s slaptstick at times but there are moments when it can rival any A rated Horror flick for sheer mood and delivery of a good scare…especially for a young kid. Good starter for a  8-10yr old kid that you plan on priming for the serious stuff down the line ..our kid is so used to horror flicks it takes alot to scare him now and this is where it all started,

4. The Halloween Tree:

 :

A great animated feature based on Ray Bradbury’s little epic worldwind and time traveling adventure story about Halloween. I loved  Leonard Nimoy as the voice of Profesor Mound Shround the devious dealer of young childrens souls. Great for kids starting at 6yrs to adult and you might just learn a little real history about witches, mummies, gargoyles, and the Day of the Dead along the way. Great little story about friendship and sticking together.

3. Halloween (The Original):

Okay okay this is really not  kid friendly movie, it’s more like Teenager friendly, in this day in age of Horror it’s definitely PG-13 in comparison. A nice solid thriller horror set on the day of Halloween…it makes you want to lock your doors and not give out any more candy! Don’t think I need to explain this one much to people. Just enjoy it and then maybe follow it up  with Halloween 2 which happens on that same night.

2. The Crow:

Okay I’m cheating here a little, this movie actually leads up to Devil’s night, the night before Halloween…but’s one of my favorites. A soul brought back to our plane of existence to exact revenge on those who murdered him and his wife…A classice movie which never grow old for me….I love the line in the movie “It can’t rain all the time.”

1. Peanuts – Halloween:

You know I had to go with the tried and true Charlie Brown Halloween Special. Who doesn’t love –  The Great Pumpkin,  All I got was a rock line, Snoopy shot down behind enemy lines sneaking through the battelfield (till he ends up in the Pumpkin Patch)

Good stuff…..the witching Hour is upon us my friends so enjoy….:)