Tag Archives: emotions

The Wheel of Emotions


My  world is a colorful multitude
Spinning
An intense electric ecstasy  mixed with shallow peaks of disassembled anger
covered with the taint of unfocused sadness
I swim through admiration of a love language
overflowing .
Yet fearful of drowning in inadequacies
of not being good enough
That it will all fall apart
every single stitch to come
undone
leaving the garment
in loose piles upon
a cold uncaring floor.

Yet, trust leads to anticipation
Possible acceptance
I choose you
over and over again
I choose you
with vigilance
I choose,
Steadfast,that love
can win
while the
rest continue
to spin.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

Unprocessed


I learned long ago
to bury my feelings in every
day life
the highs and the lows.
Why be happy when its just going to be
taken away in an instant.
And why show you are sad when you will
just bring every one down and they
really don’t care anyways.
So I smile. I joke.
I say I’m good, how about you,
to turn the conversation
away from me.
I have always been good at that.

But it builds in me
This tension.
Stresses of the day, anger at people, fears in life, continued failures.
I hold it.
I do much better inside when I let it out.
And I do.
Like reading a book, or watching a movie
I fall away from the world and I am just am.
Pushing my body in a work out, hard, really hard.
Having good sex, really good sex.
A good stiff drink.
Retreating.

But I’m working up to a better version of attack.
Talking to someone I trust to find
the feelings I can’t express or bring to
focus to what’s inside me that hides there even from me.
Like why I feel anxiety about seemingly stupid things I
shouldn’t.
Unresolved anger that I say doesn’t bother
me but does.
Why I fear a future I should love to imagine.
Hitting a punching bag helps,
riding my bike, free, unfettered
in the sun, in the wind
Away from the world.
Helps

But engaging really is the key.
I am releasing that need to
keep that wall sustained
I think it has hurt me way more
than it has ever helped

I want my melancholy to melt
I want my mind to connect
and my smile to flourish
in every possible way.

by Philip Wardlow 2018