They say parents shouldn’t outlive their kids, but should an older brother outlive their younger?
Much like a parent, the older brother directs, and protects the course of the younger.
Unlike parents, the older brother can also be a partner, a fellow perpetrator of many a fun misdeed gone awry. That is where bonds lie deepest, where intimate secrets are kept and held between a kin closer than that of the mother or father.
Sharing of sins, and the punishment of those sins, sharing in the joys and adventures that is youth in its whole.
You share a core with that little brother that none may know. It’s unspoken but known to the bone between you two.
To the Bone.
It’s honored, it’s delicate. It’s something that always dwells.
So when you see your little brother, dismal and seemingly damned, fallen and fragile, raging against an unknown foe and miles from the place in him from where he was once was, you know.
Where in the core that you share, now only dwells despair, you weep, and you weep, and you weep in the silence where no sees, because a man doesn’t cry, they simply don’t.
You know you won’t cry as he lies in a casket, all dressed and prettied up. You know you won’t cry when other’s speak of him in passing or come up to you with a hug, and “I am sorry for your loss”
You know you won’t cry simply because you have already cried so much as bit by bit of your little brother was pulled from you, excised with a sharp knife, and put into a blender and pureed to mush.
I love recalling the past of you when we first met, when the Universe nudged me into you, I remember your first smile, shy but sly, your first laugh, full and inviting. your body as it danced, swaying and in sync with my own. I remember your eyes looking at me with a lust of a thousand lovers, then later with love like a thousand poems I don’t want to forget the first time of knowing you and everything that pulled me into those eyes, running. I want all the songs that are ours to wrap up around us every time you walk into the room I don’t want to forget you the first time.
Because those first times always bring me home to you and I love you all over again just like the first time.
98.2 Fahrenheat Degrees, 98.1, 98.0 and so on and on, down, down, down, until I am a cold rigid plank, as rigid as a piece of flesh could be anyway.
Call me Rigor, Mr. Mortis if you’re nasty.
As I say this, I realize the parts of me that will live, will go on in pictures, videos, my writings, and half memories in other people’s distracted minds yet still alive.
That’s kinda cool.
Cry at my funeral or laugh…or do both. I would prefer both. Please also drink and dance afterwards. That drunk girl over there though, twerking over my casket has got to go.
Talk about the dumb shit I did, talk about a kind word or two I threw at you, or when I asked you for nudes. By the way, I’m still waiting on one of your butt. When you finally take it, send it UP. Or is that DOWN?
I’m sure it’s UP, I haven’t been that bad in my life;
I have never kicked a puppy, only petted. But I have hit many a pussy in my lifetime if you know what I mean, and they never complained, and I petted them before and after as they purred graciously.
I was kind, immature, caring, needy, a charmer, careless of others feelings, repentant, codependent, then dependent on only me, then I met Red, a magical creature needing a safe harbor and I gave it.
I loved all the magic which poured forth from her, for I saw it had been bottled up for so long and it needed a nurturing voice to keep it flow, flow, flowing. I am content that I helped her find herself and to show her she was always good enough from the very beginning of her life.
I’ve always wanted to be seen as a good person, but it took me awhile to realize you have to BE a good person to truly be seen as a good person; to yourself most especially. After you do, everything else that follows is just gravy.
She discovered me in the darkness, coming to me wrapped in alluring music and undulating waves of red and blue light, she burst into me with a beckoning and a proposal to envelope her in all that was and all that ever would be beautiful in the universe. So I jumped, Fears falling away, Her soul enthralling enchanting, calling to my own that I had forgotten, and I fell and fell and fell.
She’s my mystic, my medium, my witch, and my fortunes come home to rest in arms wide open
I took you to the movies at the mall because I wanted to show you some fun.
I could feel the sadness in you and wanted to show you a bit of me. I’m all about going to the movies. I wanted to show you the magic of them, you never grew up in that world, you didn’t see that world the way I did. So I brought you into mine with all the eye wideness I could muster.
I liked you sitting next to me in the movie theater, sharing a first time experience of a new story unfolding on the screen, my friend, my lover, my soon to be girlfriend, then a fiancee, then a wife whether I knew it all or not, you were my destiny coalescing.
When we left the movie theater I pointed at the Merry Go Round and said let’s go for a ride, you smiled and didn’t know what to say.
I put a bright big gold metal token in your hand and led you to the gate where the man took your token.
You had fun picking out what type of an animal you would ride on. I think I picked a frog.
I took a picture of you smiling as you posed for me on your horse.
Then you and I took off and went around and around, and up and down….
I think perhaps I delight in you,
simply because there is a bite in you
a something quite not right with you
In the many fluid ways of you.
You draw me in with all kinds of sin,
but this poor delicate body can only
take so much abuse,
the fear is the itch that I scratch,
as it beckons
I answer, I bleed and bruise
my soul and mind continually
playing the fool of a tool
where your ways rule
of the day when we play
in decadent forays
of searing sensual
I meander down a shadowed road
upheaved, trees overturned and strewn about in my way, as a soft bird calls in the distance, beckoning me away.
It’s always the destructive, mingled with the mundane with you.
Drawn to mischief as the moth’s ass
is to a searing flame.
Who’s to blame in this story of us then?
Which of us needs to be grabbed and shaken, to fucking change
to learn to love “properly” in the mind
as the hand still explores the pain.
People are never simple.
All crying onions. Layer upon layer.
Until Time is forgotten.
Live fiercely while time abounds,
and stop biting at the bonds
of which you think constrict
you, for they don’t for a life lived properly
constructed in the spending.
Hold time’s hand as if as a friend, love
every nature of it’s passing and it shall
slow down and comfort every second
of your days.
Create a world uniquely all yours,
from the infinitesimal to the grandiose
inside or without, to implode
or explode into a world of your
Sluggish temptations will always pull at the
the very fabric of you, a quicksand
to drown, a meandering path to muddle,
entropy to trap, as Order becomes
undone and Chaos catches you.
Sleep not with Chaos long no matter how
charming her bed is.
Revel in the importance of your life
love, love, love,
yourself and others
Roll around in that word love
like a dog playing in a
pile of fall leaves,
Never fear the outcome for a life
you have lived fiercely.
I gotta tell you guys
there’s this girl I got married
just October last.
A little sexiness
wrapped all up
in spontaneous fun
like a toy gun
that you don’t
know when its about to go off
Getting me all undone,
my god she’s been the one
since the beginning
of the meet up
Eyes dark and delicious,
kind and genuine.
That’s Spanish for extraordinary,
now I lavish her with the
whenever we go out
Cuz, she started as my Princess
and I made her my Queen
And she know who the King be,
especially in bed,
where she can just Be
with me, as she let’s
me take the lead
sending her to a little slice of
beyond the word weak
tried to pin to
She grew and she climbed
She bled and she wept
She flew beyond the
bonds of other’s
and found her
own song to sing.
I knew she was a
woman I could I fall in
was my final thought
she walked out the door
of our first meetup.
with me wearing, I’m sure
a boyishly sad grin,
wondering if I would ever
see her again