I learned long ago
to bury my feelings in every
day life
the highs and the lows.
Why be happy when its just going to be
taken away in an instant.
And why show you are sad when you will
just bring every one down and they
really don’t care anyways.
So I smile. I joke.
I say I’m good, how about you,
to turn the conversation
away from me.
I have always been good at that.
But it builds in me
This tension.
Stresses of the day, anger at people, fears in life, continued failures.
I hold it.
I do much better inside when I let it out.
And I do.
Like reading a book, or watching a movie
I fall away from the world and I am just am.
Pushing my body in a work out, hard, really hard.
Having good sex, really good sex.
A good stiff drink.
Retreating.
But I’m working up to a better version of attack.
Talking to someone I trust to find
the feelings I can’t express or bring to
focus to what’s inside me that hides there even from me.
Like why I feel anxiety about seemingly stupid things I
shouldn’t.
Unresolved anger that I say doesn’t bother
me but does.
Why I fear a future I should love to imagine.
Hitting a punching bag helps,
riding my bike, free, unfettered
in the sun, in the wind
Away from the world.
Helps
But engaging really is the key.
I am releasing that need to
keep that wall sustained
I think it has hurt me way more
than it has ever helped
I want my melancholy to melt
I want my mind to connect
and my smile to flourish
in every possible way.
I’m not looking for heavy
for my heart already weighs a ton
I’m unloading it day by day
with it weighing just a little less
with each run of the moon and sun.
But it’s a gonna be long while
til the weights all gone.
I just want your words,
I just want your time,
I just want all the things
you can’t give to just anyone.
I offer a shoulder,
I offer a smile and a laugh.
I offer a walk hand in hand
or a slow dance.
I’ll take you to bed
and bring you to that headspace
you crave.
Or we can just curl up
on the couch and snuggle
in our little cave.
Talking away the day.
Connect
extend that line to me
and I’ll connect
back.
I see you World…and I know you see me “write” back. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the stories I run into out here with the bits and bytes that float by from point A to point B. They just floor me. They either entertain me, touch me, inspire me, teach me, piss me off, or just plain give me a since of camaraderie to the world at large.
Some critics think it’s a colder world socially we live in because its become impersonal, or too sterile in the way we socialize with all the texting, blogging,facebooking, and twittering we do.
I have met people from just around the corner to halfway around the world that I would never have met without this little invention called the computer.
The current population of the world is approximately at 7 Billion and climbing at a net growth of 200,000 new people per day on this Earth…I say those numbers alone could make it a pretty impersonal world to start with. Now imagine if we didnt have computers to connect in some way to those 7 Billion. Imagine if the word computer wasn’t in the dictionary, and that this wonderous machine I’m now typing on didn’t exist.
I wouldn’t have met a funny witty honest little girl named Amna, from Pakistan who showed me the best and brightest is yet to be for the younger generation just now starting to take hold in this world
OR a guy named Seth from PA, USA who has faced adversity from the moment he was born which he continues to struggle with to this day but can still smile and find humor in life and inject that same feeling just by his very spirit and vitality into all his blogs on entertainment, life and love.
There is a woman who lives in Tasmania, who’s never known anything but her small little isolated world on a small island just south of Australia. She’s a writer named Megan Sayer who plans on fulfillng her lifelong dream of taking a trip to the United States and visit a dear friend that she met online through her blogging. She has many spoken and unspoken fears but she’s learning to face them head on and challenge herself on an almost daily basis.
There is a woman , a writer who blogs who goes by the name Stella Marr….who lives in New York City , who was stuck in a world of prostitution, violence, and outright slavery for ten years who climbed out and turned a corner in her life where so few don’t or can’t in that life. Now she inspires, informs, and sets the record straight about the misconceptions of sex trafficking of girls and women all across the world.
Then there’s Christian Mihai, a young writer in Romania, a young man with a passion and intelligence for all things. He’s driven, he’s creative, he’s inquisitive, he’s profound, he’s inspiring. He fuels me to be better, to think. Throw away my vanity and just be a student of life and learn my craft as a writer.
Finally, there’s Goregirl, what can I say about her. She knows what she loves and pursues it. An officiando on everything Horror if you couldn’te tell by her blog name. She’s a workhorse for her blogspost…constant, thorough, steadfast, and committed to her followers and her reviews. She has focus. Like an arrow being shot from a bow to hit dead center.
Stories of hardships,abuse,triumphant,being steadfast or driven in anything you love and believe in, showing courage against overwhelming odds. These are stories, these are lives which I recognize. These are people I wish to know. These are people I wish to be. These are people I admire. These are people I wish to write about.
Ain't no rest for the Wicked - Philip Wardlow - The real and the sensual sides to life in all its facets.. 