Tag Archives: depression

Something has Died


I feel the husk of its dead shell
rubbing against my innards.
Grating,
poking
No piece of it breathes
yet it prods.
Reminding me it’s always
there.
Just sitting.
Drained and desiccated,
where once
it was full
to overflowing,
now nothing
but decay
absence
a void filled
only with
black matter.
A negative life if you will
The blackest of
black
Gouge out my eyes, then tape them
over times ten and
throw me in a capped well
type of black.
Something has died
in me
And I don’t know what.
But I want it back.
Alive.
So I go in search.

by Philip Wardlow 2017

 

Do you ever (or Thoughts by Eeyore)


Do you ever

feel

just in the way,

like a curtain covering up

the sunny day.

Do you ever feel like this

place on earth was tolerating

the space you filled,

just waiting for you to finally go away.

Do you ever feel like time marches

at a molasses pace with

a half-eaten carrot dangling just

out of reach.

Do you ever feel like sounds

come into frame

but no picture forms

in the mind

because your synapses 

are sick of all the bullshit that

came before so it doesn’t

care to entertain reality anymore.

Do you ever?

Because I sometimes do.

 

by Philip Wardlow 2016

 

My appetite


 

spectactular

She comes home

and does what she wants.

Does what? We don’t know.

She wont say.

But it’s not much,

because she’s cut off and closed away.

Far and in-between the what-if

of her.

She is a melancholy angry mess

I can’t put my thumb on her

and she’d break it if I tried.

But I do, because I can, and she lets me pry;

however reluctantly,

because that’s all I have ever done.

I speak the truth, because lies are boring vicious things.

Even though the truth is often painful

as a motherfucker,

it’s freeing,

casual and a sweetness

rolled into a ball and

swallowed down

that speaks to my

appetite.

Which always

hungers.

 

By Philip Wardlow 2016

 

Mr. Heavy


 

gravitypulls

It can compress;

this day

on temples, on back, and mind.

Tons and tons and tons

I feel it all the time, this gravity

like a thousand suns.

It rips, it pulls, it pushes, it smashes

This day in ruins.

And you cannot explain it away.

Why?

Why this heavy thing?

Where did it come from?

Why did the lightness simply go away

where once it resided.

Filled up like a helium balloon.

Now a lead thing sinks

into sands.

And no strong hands

could pull such a mass

free of Earth’s cold grasp.

Oh why, oh why Mr. Heavy do you bother?

Leave, just leave

and find another.

 

 

by Philip Wardlow 2016

 

floatingme

 

 

 

 

My Beautiful Dead Girl


Marionnette

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Haunted eyes

wrapped in misery.

You are already dead,

so why should you feel pain?

 

Pain is your purgatory

little girl, a grand gift

from scales that can never

be balanced in your favor.

 

Haunted eyes they may be,

but I see defiance, strength,

lingering deep, always

ready to rise to the surface.

 

Never did death look so beautiful

A perfection in form chiseled

from stone beaten up and torn

down by the elements.

 

You wear your cloak well,

dark and tear stained, wrapped

tight around a body that

still flies free.

 

You are my beautiful dead girl.

with cold hands clenching tight around

a warm heart

that beats just for you.

by Philip Wardlow