Applying for the Job of Death


 

 

To Whom it may Concern,

I saw your ad in the Daily Death Bugle for an opening for the Death position that had recently become available in your department.

I can’t tell you how delighted I was to see the position finally open up after so many eons of waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting…sorry (I have waited quite a while)

Please see attached resume regarding my education and experience on all things related to death and in my earlier years with dismemberment only as I was still learning what it truly meant to properly and with great honor take someone’s soul.

My brief stint of education  at DIT (The Death Institute of Technology) wetted my appetite for all things Death, so I then chose to enroll with the esteemed Reaper University to properly round out my skills and attain, as you see, my Masters ,Majoring in Reaping with a Minor in Pottery. I have trapped many a soul in my stylish handmade cookie jars mind you, and they sell really well at the Arts and Craft Festival every year.

I believe my collaboration and internship work with various mortuaries, churches, casinos, and funny enough, oriental massage parlors gave me a unique perspective that Death is always lurking around the corner. I am ready, willing and able to creep around any corner put in front of me with vigor and steadfastness to this ancient glorious trade to see that the job gets done.

 Please consider me for  this Reaper position as I believe I am the only entity for the job with the right  mix and balance of perversion, passion and education to get the job done, and done right the first time,  as you can only kill a person once they say.

Sincerely,

Philip “The Grim”  Wardlow

666 Scythe Lane
Purgatory, MI
http://www.reaperofsouls.com
616-666-6666

 

 

11 thoughts on “Applying for the Job of Death”

  1. But are you licensed to use a Combine Harvester? While the Scythe is both traditional and stylish, a Combine may be implemented during the peak reaping season- pending quarterly budget reports, of course.

  2. HP Lovecraft once said “… and with strange aeons even Death may die.”
    Since you yourself have endured “so many eons of waiting and waiting” and are now applying for this position, we can only raise a glass of forbidden fruit cider and say:
    “RIP Death, we hardly knew ye.”

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