Category Archives: Inquiring Minds

My introduction page as a writer trying to get publsihed and a collection of posts showing who I am through ancetdotal musings about my life or how I am inspired to write or why I write and how I write in my own wierd little way.

Fear and Want


I fear the tangle
and the untangling
I want the nearness
but want to runaway
I fear words spoken
in the light of day
but want those
same words
whispered in my
ear in the dark in
full embrace.
Fear and Want Juxtaposed
Side by Side
a creeping glorious
Twilight

 

By Philip Wardlow 2018

 

Haikus The progression of us


 

Kissing
Fate beckoned, smiling
Boldness overtook my lips
close in with a kiss

Twirling 
Your smile spun in me
Twirling your essence freely
When music found us

Friendship
Parts of you unfold
Soft thoughts grabbing at your life
Pulling me in tight

Intimate
Eager hands stripping all
Bodies apart now are one
Blissful connection

Apart
Your return long sought
Never fated together
yet always wished for

Reunion
A gift like lightning
Struck, never to recover
Weak and wanting more

New Year
Your thoughts in shadow
My thoughts focused on your eyes
forlorn and wanting.

Realization
Tears flowed in close trust
Tore down walls revealing love
A tender touch found

Futures
Intertwined steps dance
Newfound melodies captured
Hand to heart to mind

 

by Philip Wardlow 2018

To and Fro


 

To and fro
she went,
from home to work,
then work to home.

Petted her cat, read her books,
and sat alongside a man she loved
who didn’t really see
the aurora borealis
of blues, greens,
and flits of purple
and passionate reds.
that resided in her.
looking for release.

But to bed she went
for a fuck and perhaps a
little bit of luck
that a spark would ignite
a connection
that would light
the days of her dark
wonderings of a life
long sought.

That he would come to see
her,
and love her the right way,
the way she always dreamed
it should be.

yet, still even now
she goes to and fro
Ever hopeful of a different
outcome than before
legs still open
heart still open
with eyes still burning
all those dancing
colors within.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

**character study for Erotic Novel working on for this year.

Throwaway


Throwaway –

You are tortuously pretty,
but that’s never been enough.

I shall entertain you for the night
and you shall pay, oh you
shall pay and you shall love
the purchase.

I will stroke your ego
as you hold it tight
and stroke mine.
But please don’t get attached to “it”
nor I
For I don’t have time for such frivolities

I will listen, I will see you, I will care
for that is who I am,
at heart
But you in the end,
you are
a snack, a mere morsel.
That could never satiate.

I will smile, I will laugh as appropriate,
and convey every nuance to let you
know where my interests lay, but really,
its all just a lie.

You are wanting
wanting of something I could never give

My heart, dear
My heart

Though it beats.
It beats free.
Free of a pain
I never want to venture
to ever endure
or see again.

I have thrown that possibility
far far away from me.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

***Character treatment for erotic novel I am writing this year

Changes and Letting go


When younger, my life seemed in constant change and turmoil at times; parents fighting, my mom running. Always never knowing what was to come next around the corner. Where I might live. What school I might be attending. What friends I might have. What was right, what was wrong. My dad dying. My brothers fighting with me. Stealing from me.

Seeing my family change from happy to bitter and mean and depressed. Seeing them all slowly falling into this pit of darkness and destruction in their own personal lives by all their endless trippings of mistakes they were making and I could do nothing but watch them. I loved them all and I had no guidance myself for what it meant to be a man. My dad died when I was about twelve but my mom had separated and took us from him years before, but I held to him though. The memory of what I knew of my Dad. His caring eyes, his patience, his slow almost reluctance rise to anger. His calm knowledge and assurance of all things that he did teach me before he died.

I pulled him forward with me through time from my terrible junior high days of almost homelessness and trying to maintain decent grades at a school that expected your best at all times. I kept my head up and my smile even through my failings knowing my time would come and I would eventually win through.

I made friends… some good for me, some not so good but they all helped me learn who I was and who I wasn’t and who I wanted to aspire to be as a man all the while my father echoed in my mind.

Girls and Women showed me my failings growing up as the stupid teenager and man later in life that I was. I failed them all in certain ways which caused them to fail me. A collective comedy of errors on all our parts with no blame or disparages to throw.

I found we are all human. All failures big or small.

I have changed. I have grown. I have failed and will probably fail again. But I have learned, I am wiser, I stand taller. I do not look down or am ashamed. Because the past is not me. I am me right now.

Ever moving forward to bigger things.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

All I know


download

Are you my soulmate?
Are you kin to my spirit within?

At the inception of the universe,
did my atoms mingle with yours?
Did your energies play with my own?

Did destiny play a part in all our fateful
days as we twisted amongst
the stars through billions, and millions of years, to dwindle down to Earth to finally share a kiss which held a resonance and a mysterious affinity
that can not be explained away.

Or I have met you once before in the purgatory of souls lost wondering in the void, finding quiet comfort and caress in the serendipitous chance in a billion, trillion, quintillion of meanderings of spirits. I found you, YOU, amongst the multitude, then lost you fully in memory and in touch as you slowly faded away, what chance then to find you yet again in a dance, in a smile, in a laugh, in a kiss long sought and well remembered.

What chance indeed.

And I remember you, no matter
the mystery of us.
I remember.

By Philip Wardlow 2018

 

3am Wonderings


Three hours after midnight
Three hours before dawn
I wake
Why?
Who knows but my internal clock
It tells me its time to think on things
that only bring
a sigh, a laugh, or a tear
on why my life
turned this way or not.
Lamp light filtering through
to a curtained life best seen
in the starkness
of the day
lest the fanciful or melancholy
meandering mind of me think
on the oddness of my ways
long or shortsighted as both
sides of me can be.
Never trusting either.
So I wonder of
Them all, I and it.
And you.
You alongside
always affirming
always striving
always dreaming
always seeing
always loving
and I wonder at you
the beauty
the strength
the grace
the audacity
the splendor
the vulnerability
I am home
in you
I feel it in my bones
I am home.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

The Gravity of Her


She is a force
an attraction
a passion,
pulling
a satellite revolving around the world of me,
a kiss filled with stars
that have never lost their
spark.
She is a meteor falling
Captured, I won’t let
go of.
She burns bright in my sky
My heaven filled
Gravity clutching,
holding down
the me of me
where I need to be
with her
Beautifully grounded.
as I kiss her in
in a nighttime rain
upon a lonely street
where the clouds fall
droplets compelled
Did they ever have a choice?
Did I?
Not hardly,
when it came
to the gravity of her.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

Beautiful Drop Dead Dizziness


I won’t complain at the tiredness
in my eyes and befuddled brain,
because of the late night tryst
you and I partook of
when the clothes
came off.
as you electrify
all my senses
in one intense
sequence of
events starting with
a drawn out kiss
full of delicious
heart felt
endearing sweet
recklessness
and abandon
that even after
being gone from you
a day, or an hour or two I find
I miss.
Wholehearedly and objectively.
Profusely, never obtusely
I see that I am good
for you and you are
good for me
You are just
the right kind
of drop dead
dizzy.

By Philip Wardlow 2018

It took only One – Olivia Engle A repost from 2012 (Do we even remember)


Do we if even remember the others fatalities from years past? There have been so many.   I always seem to remember one and its Olivia Engle from the Sandy Hook Shooting in December of 2012….

Stupid Conspiracy theorists have the audacity to come out after this happened to say it was all  a hoax and that the killings were staged and not real.   WTF Really!?    Tell to that to Olivia’s Family and all the others… I dare you.

 

OliviaEngel

It took only one face on the list to make my brown eyes brim,

It took only one big glorious smile to enter into me and

have my heart fill  up and overflow onto the floor.

I didn’t want to look too deeply for it cut too deep,

yet I feel I should for her.

Here was a life never to know another day.

Here was a little girl with laughter in her eyes

and a future as bright as the sun;

I could feel that warmth radianting,

and seeping into me as I saw her

soul shining forth from the screen.

It took only one and there are

so many more.

It took only one and her name

was Olivia Engle.

 

By Philip Wardlow 2012

#unsung