To and Fro


 

To and fro
she went,
from home to work,
then work to home.

Petted her cat, read her books,
and sat alongside a man she loved
who didn’t really see
the aurora borealis
of blues, greens,
and flits of purple
and passionate reds.
that resided in her.
looking for release.

But to bed she went
for a fuck and perhaps a
little bit of luck
that a spark would ignite
a connection
that would light
the days of her dark
wonderings of a life
long sought.

That he would come to see
her,
and love her the right way,
the way she always dreamed
it should be.

yet, still even now
she goes to and fro
Ever hopeful of a different
outcome than before
legs still open
heart still open
with eyes still burning
all those dancing
colors within.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

**character study for Erotic Novel working on for this year.

Throwaway


Throwaway –

You are tortuously pretty,
but that’s never been enough.

I shall entertain you for the night
and you shall pay, oh you
shall pay and you shall love
the purchase.

I will stroke your ego
as you hold it tight
and stroke mine.
But please don’t get attached to “it”
nor I
For I don’t have time for such frivolities

I will listen, I will see you, I will care
for that is who I am,
at heart
But you in the end,
you are
a snack, a mere morsel.
That could never satiate.

I will smile, I will laugh as appropriate,
and convey every nuance to let you
know where my interests lay, but really,
its all just a lie.

You are wanting
wanting of something I could never give

My heart, dear
My heart

Though it beats.
It beats free.
Free of a pain
I never want to venture
to ever endure
or see again.

I have thrown that possibility
far far away from me.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

***Character treatment for erotic novel I am writing this year

The Comforting Dark


Ravens

The Comforting Dark~

I can’t say why the darkness consoles.

as no fear exists as shadows flow, biting

and enscrolling a body

with etchings of loneliness

and comforting coldness.

At times it seems its all I’ve ever known.

as I walk dirty dark roads in silent  solace and look to

find the answer in the ravens which

circle overhead.

By Philip Wardlow

Changes and Letting go


When younger, my life seemed in constant change and turmoil at times; parents fighting, my mom running. Always never knowing what was to come next around the corner. Where I might live. What school I might be attending. What friends I might have. What was right, what was wrong. My dad dying. My brothers fighting with me. Stealing from me.

Seeing my family change from happy to bitter and mean and depressed. Seeing them all slowly falling into this pit of darkness and destruction in their own personal lives by all their endless trippings of mistakes they were making and I could do nothing but watch them. I loved them all and I had no guidance myself for what it meant to be a man. My dad died when I was about twelve but my mom had separated and took us from him years before, but I held to him though. The memory of what I knew of my Dad. His caring eyes, his patience, his slow almost reluctance rise to anger. His calm knowledge and assurance of all things that he did teach me before he died.

I pulled him forward with me through time from my terrible junior high days of almost homelessness and trying to maintain decent grades at a school that expected your best at all times. I kept my head up and my smile even through my failings knowing my time would come and I would eventually win through.

I made friends… some good for me, some not so good but they all helped me learn who I was and who I wasn’t and who I wanted to aspire to be as a man all the while my father echoed in my mind.

Girls and Women showed me my failings growing up as the stupid teenager and man later in life that I was. I failed them all in certain ways which caused them to fail me. A collective comedy of errors on all our parts with no blame or disparages to throw.

I found we are all human. All failures big or small.

I have changed. I have grown. I have failed and will probably fail again. But I have learned, I am wiser, I stand taller. I do not look down or am ashamed. Because the past is not me. I am me right now.

Ever moving forward to bigger things.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

All I know


download

Are you my soulmate?
Are you kin to my spirit within?

At the inception of the universe,
did my atoms mingle with yours?
Did your energies play with my own?

Did destiny play a part in all our fateful
days as we twisted amongst
the stars through billions, and millions of years, to dwindle down to Earth to finally share a kiss which held a resonance and a mysterious affinity
that can not be explained away.

Or I have met you once before in the purgatory of souls lost wondering in the void, finding quiet comfort and caress in the serendipitous chance in a billion, trillion, quintillion of meanderings of spirits. I found you, YOU, amongst the multitude, then lost you fully in memory and in touch as you slowly faded away, what chance then to find you yet again in a dance, in a smile, in a laugh, in a kiss long sought and well remembered.

What chance indeed.

And I remember you, no matter
the mystery of us.
I remember.

By Philip Wardlow 2018

 

3am Wonderings


Three hours after midnight
Three hours before dawn
I wake
Why?
Who knows but my internal clock
It tells me its time to think on things
that only bring
a sigh, a laugh, or a tear
on why my life
turned this way or not.
Lamp light filtering through
to a curtained life best seen
in the starkness
of the day
lest the fanciful or melancholy
meandering mind of me think
on the oddness of my ways
long or shortsighted as both
sides of me can be.
Never trusting either.
So I wonder of
Them all, I and it.
And you.
You alongside
always affirming
always striving
always dreaming
always seeing
always loving
and I wonder at you
the beauty
the strength
the grace
the audacity
the splendor
the vulnerability
I am home
in you
I feel it in my bones
I am home.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

The Gravity of Her


She is a force
an attraction
a passion,
pulling
a satellite revolving around the world of me,
a kiss filled with stars
that have never lost their
spark.
She is a meteor falling
Captured, I won’t let
go of.
She burns bright in my sky
My heaven filled
Gravity clutching,
holding down
the me of me
where I need to be
with her
Beautifully grounded.
as I kiss her in
in a nighttime rain
upon a lonely street
where the clouds fall
droplets compelled
Did they ever have a choice?
Did I?
Not hardly,
when it came
to the gravity of her.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

Beautiful Drop Dead Dizziness


I won’t complain at the tiredness
in my eyes and befuddled brain,
because of the late night tryst
you and I partook of
when the clothes
came off.
as you electrify
all my senses
in one intense
sequence of
events starting with
a drawn out kiss
full of delicious
heart felt
endearing sweet
recklessness
and abandon
that even after
being gone from you
a day, or an hour or two I find
I miss.
Wholehearedly and objectively.
Profusely, never obtusely
I see that I am good
for you and you are
good for me
You are just
the right kind
of drop dead
dizzy.

By Philip Wardlow 2018

It took only One – Olivia Engle A repost from 2012 (Do we even remember)


Do we if even remember the others fatalities from years past? There have been so many.   I always seem to remember one and its Olivia Engle from the Sandy Hook Shooting in December of 2012….

Stupid Conspiracy theorists have the audacity to come out after this happened to say it was all  a hoax and that the killings were staged and not real.   WTF Really!?    Tell to that to Olivia’s Family and all the others… I dare you.

 

OliviaEngel

It took only one face on the list to make my brown eyes brim,

It took only one big glorious smile to enter into me and

have my heart fill  up and overflow onto the floor.

I didn’t want to look too deeply for it cut too deep,

yet I feel I should for her.

Here was a life never to know another day.

Here was a little girl with laughter in her eyes

and a future as bright as the sun;

I could feel that warmth radianting,

and seeping into me as I saw her

soul shining forth from the screen.

It took only one and there are

so many more.

It took only one and her name

was Olivia Engle.

 

By Philip Wardlow 2012

#unsung

Shootings Revisited ( again, again, and again , again)


JimHimesSilence

 

A conversation with Congressman Jim Himes, who is sick of the bullshit.

 

Below Article is copied directly from the online publication Esquire written by Luke O’Neil  June 13th, 2016 .  If you wish to see the article in its original format…please go HERE:

On Monday afternoon, Rep. Jim Himes (D-Conn.), took to the floor of the House to address the shootings in Orlando. Unlike many of his colleagues in Congress, Himes said, he would not be participating in any moment of silence for the victims.

“Silence. That is how the leadership of the most powerful country in the world will respond to this week’s massacre of its citizens,” Himes said, before listing off the names of a few of the many victims whose lives were cut short “by a madman with a military rifle.”

Himes continued:
“And make no mistake. Cut short by this Congress’ fetish to repeatedly meet bloody tragedy with silence. Silence. That is what we offer an America that supports many of the things we could do to slow the bloodbath. Silence. Not me. Not anymore. I will no longer stand here absorbing the faux concern, contrived gravity and tepid smugness of a House complicit in the weekly bloodshed. Sooner or later, the country will hold us accountable for our inaction. But as you bow your head think of what you will say to your God when you are asked what you did to slow the slaughter of the innocents. Silence.”
 The Congressman’s words came after a series of tweets he sent out on Sunday that called the government’s inability to do anything about the gun violence epidemic “gross negligence” and an “abomination.”
TwitterHImes
RainbowtwitterHImes

The approach marked a sharp turn for Himes, who says he’s not typically given to using such inflammatory and morality-based language. But this time, like many of us around the country, he says he’s had enough. I spoke with Himes by phone moments after he finished addressing his colleagues in the House.

How was your statement perceived?

Well, there aren’t many people here today. But I’m sure this will be characterized as something that it’s not, as another installment in people who want to take away your guns. And it’s not, because I actually support Second Amendment rights, I like recreational shooting. But, I got thinking about it yesterday, and my stomach turned thinking about these moments of silence. To me, it’s perfectly emblematic of utter inaction and gross negligence of the Congress. When 50 people are dead on slabs in Florida, what we’ve got is 26 seconds of silence for you. That’s just unconscionable. There’s sort of a faux-sanctity to it, by putting on my serious face, looking like I care, and being silent for 15 seconds, that that is somehow a contribution. We have a lot of tough issues. We’re never going to solve the abortion thing, we’re never going to solve the taxes thing, or when we go to war. But here’s an area, where the vast majority of gun owners, not just Americans, agree on a set of measures that will keep a lot of people alive. But no. We’ve got silence.

“There’s sort of a faux-sanctity to it, by putting on my serious face, looking like I care, and being silent for 15 seconds.”

Have we gone mad as a country? Why can’t we get anything done here?

My perception is that groups like the NRA have used the Tea Party movement to create kind of a cult of guns, where you believe you’ve got a liberal Harvard Law Review president that is hellbent on taking away your guns to fulfill his Islamic fantasies. If not Islamic, government takeover fantasies. And that caused people to believe things that are patently not true. Like the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. There was a good guy with a gun in Orlando and it didn’t work. Or it causes people to believe, as an untrained software developer, you’re actually going to be safer armed in your own house than if you don’t have a gun in your house. It’s objectively provable that that’s not true, but there is this cult. People like Wayne LaPierre, 10 seconds into his speech, slamming this president, creating this bullshit argument that Washington is intent on taking away their guns. And a lot of people have bought into that. My Republican colleagues for the most part are decent people, but they’re scared of that cult.

Being from Connecticut, you’re sensitive to this. But something people have been saying is that if we didn’t do anything after Sandy Hook, then we never will.

Well, I’m not willing to say never. One of these reasons I’m taking the stand on these moments of silence, and doing something I don’t normally do, which is speaking in moral language, is that we’ve just got to change the dialogue. If you have to talk about judgment and God to get the attention of people who are more comfortable in that realm, then let’s do it. Let’s really talk about whether Jesus Christ thinks that the answer is a good guy with a gun. But we say this time and again. Change doesn’t come fast. If we’d given up on Civil Rights in 1964 where would we be?

How do you feel Connecticut’s state laws stack up to the rest of the country in terms of guns?

Well to their credit, in the wake of the Sandy Hook shootings, they actually passed exactly the type of passage I’m talking about, and passed some thoughtful gun safety rules. I think they’re pretty tough, like New York. But at the end of the day, when you can be in Virginia at one o’clock and Connecticut at four o’clock, you got to deal with the federal level.

You’ve spoken out against the opioid epidemic as well. Do you see parallels? Are we addicted to guns?

This points to another absurdity. Medical professionals want us to think about it that way. They want us to really study who gets killed, how, what are the circumstances. Always a good idea, since about the year 1400, to gather the facts. But of course Congress has said, no, we will not gather the facts.

They’re prevented from studying it.

Exactly. So maybe there is a parallel to be drawn with addiction, in as much Congress is very much in the phase of not understanding it has a problem.

Jimhimestalking

This is something I don’t understand. Last year, the NRA spent something like 28 million dollars lobbying on the federal level. But if you break it down by each lawmaker, it’s not really all that much money, a few thousand here and there. You’re a congressman, is that how cheap it is buy someone’s loyalty?

No. I think the NRA is more powerful as a purveyor of insane falsehoods than it is as a donor to individual members of Congress. It matters a little, but, but I think my colleagues are more scared of being primaried by a rootin’ tootin’ gun absolutist than they are having their opponent getting $5,000 from the NRA.

People say, “Oh, so you’re going to take all our guns? Obama is coming to take our guns.” Which, by the way, he’s really waiting ’till the last minute here on that plan. You figure he would’ve done it by now.

Right! I mean the insanity.… I remember my first Congress, 2009 through 2011, he had exactly one piece of gun legislation, which was a bill to allow you to carry a gun in a national park, so it actually loosened things. But there’s Wayne LaPiere saying what he does.

What if we said no more high capacity magazines? No more military-style weapons? Is that a compromised place where we can start?

Yes. Look, this isn’t that complicated. As much as there are things like limits on capacity of magazines, the kinds of guns, universal background checks. There are four or five things that have broad support in the American population. Are they going to end gun violence? Of course not. But if this crazy, radicalized guy hadn’t been so able to go buy a military weapon, despite the fact that he’d been interviewed a couple of times by the FBI, I think a lot of people would be alive this morning. We’re not going to solve this thing, but we can do some things that a lot of people support that can save lives. And that’s why we need to talk about these things in moral terms

Don't let the mystery of you go unknown

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thiskeptache

undone in spectacle

Weaves of the Wheel

A Wheel of Time Community

HEALTH | INSPIRATION

Health, Reflection, and Poetry for the Journey of Life

Debatably Dateable

Dating, Poetry, and More

Rust.in.the.Soul

Ignorance is bliss / truth is necessary / rust in the soul

Go Dog Go Café

Where writers gather

The Emotional Being

Realise your innate perfection

MelDouleur.com

poetry, fiction, and musings

Dark Desires

Erotic Fantasies

VIVID LENS VIEW

Let Your Eyes Do The Talking...

Life Unbound

A Place to share My Love for Painting, Design, and Pottery

All Thoughts Work™ Outdoors

Hiking with snark in the beautiful Pacific Northwest 2011 - 2013

Geek Sneak Peek

Reviews, raves, and rants. It's all about the books we read

Peace in Darkness

weird alien 👽