Tag Archives: present

Changes and Letting go

When younger, my life seemed in constant change and turmoil at times; parents fighting, my mom running. Always never knowing what was to come next around the corner. Where I might live. What school I might be attending. What friends I might have. What was right, what was wrong. My dad dying. My brothers fighting with me. Stealing from me.

Seeing my family change from happy to bitter and mean and depressed. Seeing them all slowly falling into this pit of darkness and destruction in their own personal lives by all their endless trippings of mistakes they were making and I could do nothing but watch them. I loved them all and I had no guidance myself for what it meant to be a man. My dad died when I was about twelve but my mom had separated and took us from him years before, but I held to him though. The memory of what I knew of my Dad. His caring eyes, his patience, his slow almost reluctance rise to anger. His calm knowledge and assurance of all things that he did teach me before he died.

I pulled him forward with me through time from my terrible junior high days of almost homelessness and trying to maintain decent grades at a school that expected your best at all times. I kept my head up and my smile even through my failings knowing my time would come and I would eventually win through.

I made friends… some good for me, some not so good but they all helped me learn who I was and who I wasn’t and who I wanted to aspire to be as a man all the while my father echoed in my mind.

Girls and Women showed me my failings growing up as the stupid teenager and man later in life that I was. I failed them all in certain ways which caused them to fail me. A collective comedy of errors on all our parts with no blame or disparages to throw.

I found we are all human. All failures big or small.

I have changed. I have grown. I have failed and will probably fail again. But I have learned, I am wiser, I stand taller. I do not look down or am ashamed. Because the past is not me. I am me right now.

Ever moving forward to bigger things.

by Philip Wardlow 2018

Vintage Dreams



a funny grain

that gets stuck

like a piece of

grit between

clenched teeth.

And spitting never helps, so purse

your lips



A fickle fable

held in high esteem

as you tell the story

of a wonderful what-if

while the stars loftly

laugh at you in the dark ink blot above.

Grip the grass you lay upon

as the earth tilts just ever so.


Oh love,

Where for art thou?

Romeo was a fool to seek

a party where all the players

knew their part  while all the

while Juliet had cotton stuffed

in her ears like a silly Teddy bear,

seeing  only your pretty little

mouth move without a




By Philip Wardlow 2017





Every Day


Every Day~

Every day is a gift,

a fucking gift.

Why? Because I said so.

So unwrap that fucker.

Rip open the packaging,

fling the red red red ribbons to the four winds.

Bite that mother loving tape with your teeth if you must

Is that a Snaaarl I hear from you…?

It’s your present.

Do what you must.

Dive, dive, dive into that damn box!

See, see , see, what you’ve got?



Slip’em on for a go….

Now go…just fucking go.


by Philip Wardlow 2016





Krampus Comes !! – A Dark Christmas poem



Art by Brom



Be ye, young or old,

as a child of nine or ninety-nine

We all look to the magical time

when ol’ St. Nick comes a calling,

that jolly grey bearded man with a smile for all.

Traveling down the road  in his horse drawn sled

from  late dusk to early dawn.

The good ones know they’ll be visited by him,

adorned and wreathed with gifts from

head to toe.

They will sleep a peaceful slumber, full

of dreams of the bright morning to come

and the presents they so richly deserve

from a year of being so very very good.

I am afraid some may not be so inclined

at this joyous holiday time to partake of

all this festive cheer.

For you see, there are some children who lay deep in their

covers under the shadow of night as it plays

through their cold window pane,

waiting for him to come,

St. Nicks dark brother, the Other,

called Krampus to some.

This dark horned,  hairy tailed, cloven hooved creature

knows your heart of hearts

and all the naughty things you’ve done.

And he is not forgiving like

good ol’ St. Nick.

With bundled birch sticks in hand

he will greet you with a sharped tooth grin

right before he lays into your


To beat you about the legs and arms,

a sweet painful present for all your

year’s sins and wicked charms.

Then if you have been especially bad

and you know who you are.

He will take down his big black

ruck sack from upon  his back

Open it up, grab you up

and stuff you in.

Then quick out the bedroom window

he flies to disappear down the dark road

with you never to be seen

by your family 

ever again.



by Philip Wardlow 2014