Tag Archives: write

Let Go


 

skydiving

Let go
Two simple words
yet as complex
a phrase as you
will ever hear
uttered

Give over
Give in
Just submit

To Life
To Me
To Change
To Everything

While opening your mind
to the darkness inside
and letting the night take you
where it will

Fear dissolves,
replaced with a surety of a soul
that has always
resided in you.

by Philip Wardlow 2015

WORDS – My Poetic Definitions for Certain Words in the English Language


Words

A while back I  made a list of  certain words that had meant something to me personally  throughout my life.  With this list of words I decided to apply my own definition to them in a  poetic sense to really convey what the word means to me in a more concrete but at times abstract way.

These new definitions  would not be what you would  normally find, say  when you are  flipping through a reference book such as Webster’s English Dictionary or some such book of extensive boring knowledge that you have to begun learning  from the very start of Kindergarten all the way to college.

Of course it doesn’t end there, one day when your the Father of energy zapping kids and your relaxing back in bed with a hefty  book in your hands  you may have to keep one of those stupid dictionaries next to you on the nightstand at  your bedside because some pompous arrogrant ass of  an author had to  pick a word no normal person (or abnormal)  would ever use in their own mind let alone in casual conversation.  At times I revel in the English language and at other times I hate it simply because I believe words shouldn’t get in the way of what you are trying to convey to the reader, especially on a contstant basis as some writers like to do.

So here is brief list of the not-so definitions of words:

1.  Apathy –  A smile in your direction which never quite reaches the eyes with a sharp snap of the head away.

2. Dreams – Dim images of lost desire, a quest for innerpeace that travels on a slow runaway train

3. Friends – Pillars with which to hold onto in a raging storm where some are stronger than others.

4. Enemies – The unseen predator which lurks along the edge of life waiting to pounce.

5. Life – An endless array of patchwork on the soles of feet worn down and dirty.

6. Time – A number measured by emotions and circumstances of the day.

7. Envy  – A spark which turns into a flame soon to engulf the entire forest.

8. Justice – A rock thrown back at an unseen hand whose only intent was grief.

9. Poems – A collection of organized to disorganized words which have no meaning unless you say they do.

10. Woman – A mystery behind  a locked door where a thief must apply all his talents to get through.

***I am a word/idea collector so do YOU have any definitions for ME.  I would love to hear them….:)***

Rejection Drives me…mainly because death threats to editors won’t work.


Well once again  I  have been rejected by more  various publishers  and editors in the world of writing …. Some have been for some of my poems and others were for some of my short stories.

“They” say you have to have a thick skin as a writer.  I think by now I could give a rhino a run for his money when it comes to the thick skin department….But it still stings no matter how thick it has become. Like if I was rhino grazing  on the Africa savannah and this big mutated experimental mosquito came by and landed on my ass and went  boink boink..boink (he’s testing where he wants  to aim his stinger) and then whammo!  Ouch…it still doesn’t feel good.

EvilMosquito

Here a few of my latest rejection excerpts below:

“Unfortunately, we feel that this piece is not ready for publication. We found the story entertaining, but it needs a bit of work.  Please consider joining our fantasy workshop on our  website, the community is very generous with their time and can offer some great advice.

We wish you all the best in your future writing endeavors and please do try us again.”

and this one

“Thank you for submitting your poems. We enjoyed them both but unfortunately cannot offer publication at this time. Thanks for your interest in HFQ and do try us again.  You’ll crack this nut someday . . . just keep after it.”

As rejections go they were not so bad. Both editors actually seemed to care how I took the rejection and they seemed genuine in there request to see more of my stuff. So I would call these positive rejections because they showed interest in my work..right?…I mean they could be just kissing my ass and stroking my ego so I don’t go off the deep end and go on a drinking bender at some kareoke bar singing “We Built this City”  by Starship…yeah I know I don’t want to go there either.

So being a man of action, I have joined a local writing group to expand my skills and work on my craft further. They meet every other Sunday during the month from 2-4pm in a nice little coffee/pastry  shop fairly free of people at that time.  I just went to my first group meeting on Dec 1st.  I must say there is something to be said about instant feed back regarding your writing.  It was a very rewarding experience. So far they seem to be a nice ecletic group of people. It is a group consisting of seven people with most of them who actually write my kind of stuff;  fantasy, horror, science fiction..so they get me which I like. It’s also a pretty balanced group of four women and four men ( I make the fourth man).

My next meeting will be Dec 16th coming up and I look forward to it. It was a little nervous and intimidating being the new guy coming into the group  giving my opinion on there stuff but I wanted to help them just has much as they were helping me..after that realization it was easy to just jump right in on the discussion.

So if you get rejected, try to turn lemons into lemonade or wine (that helps to).  Don’t just sit on your hands…do something different, shake things up….don’t be arrogant and think you are the perfect writer already…else you never will be…:)

Inspiration …and pulling yourself out of the quicksand


I never liked the phrase “writers block”. It always seemed to much like an excuse for saying its okay to give up.  But sometimes I think a writer can get stuck in the mud or in a bog of quicksand in their writing.  To get out of that quicksand sometimes you gotta look around at your surroundings and look for something to pull you out….a  rope, a vine, a ladder, a stick, a friend, a distraction of inspiration.

So here are some of my distractions of inspiration. In this era of the internet some can be found in various places on the web..they may be pictures, poems, videos, music, etc…now of course you are not regulated to just the website…talk a walk, look around ..look at the stars,   talk to a friend about the story you are working on. Bring up what ifs and  scenarios and let there mind tangle with it like yours can’t seem to do at the moment.

Studies have shown that the oddest places bring up spontaneous ideas…the bathroom is such  a place, So  go to the bathroom, or take a shower or brush your teeth.  A small nap in bed no matter what the time…walking your dog, petting your cat. Try consciously thinking of the thing that is causing the sloooowing down of your writing before you began your routine.  Then forget about it and let yourself be distracted and see what happens.

Maybe some of these things will give you some inspiration…see below:

Credit above pic to:  http://apolonis.deviantart.com/art/Deception-315967675

OR

OR

What inspires you?

Write what you know…but what do you know?


People always say in writing, write what you know, write what you know.   First, I am not sure what I know . There are a lot things bouncing around up there that I’m not even privy to until my hands hit the keyboard or the ink sticks to the paper.

I know a few  things . I know I’m not the sharpest knife in the drawer  but neither am I the dullest. I don’t hail from a  major college like Harvard, Yale, or MIT,  but I do know how to enquire, to investigate , to search and use the tools at my disposal. I  have not traveled the world over experiencing and knowing wonderous places and cultures but I do know I can daydream like nobody’s business and  that gets me there just fine.

I do know one thing very well;  at least I think I like to think I know.  And that’s people.  One such people is my wife.  (and yes that was on purpose)

For anyone who follows me on here you know that I mentioned that my wife underwent a major surgery back in Mid-July.  Since I have known her my wife has been a very strong woman;  in willpower and spirit anyways, unfortunately her body just doesn’t always want to agree with her at times  it seems.

I will not wax on to much on how this is her fourth ambdominal surgery in the last twenty years,  and that each surgery is very invasive and painful for her, with each having a long recovery time.  She is without a  doubt one of the strongest women I know.  She could be Wonder Woman’s  twin sister with blonde hair as far as I’m concerned (especially in the chest area) but I digress.

I just wanted to relay that sprinkled throughout  our life and time together, I found how truly strong and courageous she is. Each heroic moment from her  has inspired me to this day in my l writing for what I want any strong  person I write about to be like and exemplify.

This type of character is  a no-brainer for me. This character lives with me everyday and I am happy she has chosen this seat next to me on this  magical train called life to take us to wherever we wish to go.

She is but one character in my life that I look to for inspiration but she is by far the most important. She anchors it all down.

 Love this picture cuz it fits my wife perfectly..:)

 

And this one below…I loves me some Wonder Woman what I can say…

 

 

Crushed Box – A Snippet from a little boy’s life


I was nine years old and my brother Sam was eight. It was a late Sunday afternoon on a warm bright blue sky day in the middle of May. We were both smiling and grinning ear to ear because we had just scored the biggest prize ever in our little lives. A gigantic box, longer in all it’s in dimensions than we were in height, it was a monster. We had just pulled it out of a CARTON ONLY dumpster behind the factory building pretty close to where we lived.

It was to be a grand addition to our makeshift fort we already had built in our backyard from the previous day. We couldn’t believe how lucky we were. We only had a block left to drag it, and it was heavy work. It wasn’t every day something like this came along so we were very determined to get it home.

As my brother and I pushed and prodded the behemoth of a box down the street my little mind was already working furiously to figure how it would be cut and worked into our current structure. I was thinking this was going to be command central for all the adventures for the days to come.

“What’s the box for Felix?” a voice in front of us asked as it approached us barring our progress down the street.

I poked my head from around the box and groaned inwardly.

Three boys stood there directly in our path down the sidewalk, two of them were Anton and Anthony, eight year old identical twins, led by their twelve-year-old big brother named Terence. They were our neighbors about three houses down from us.

I hated them. They took delight in making me and my brother’s life miserable at any turn they could find when they ran across us.

For example, once I had been given a watermelon by my mother’s friend who had grown it in her garden. She had lived down the street some four houses away from our own. (Yep right next to Terence’s). I was walking home with it clutching it in both arms with my little hands wrapped around it tight. My mom loved watermelon she was going to love this nice surprise. Suddenly, I was pushed hard from behind. I stumbled and fell forward watching the watermelon fly from my arms and end up in broken chunks all over the hot summer cement of the sidewalk. I didn’t look back at who had done it. I knew. I ran home crying with their laughter at my back.

Terence approached us and our box with the twins in tow. He was tall for his age and even slightly muscular. His dark skin was darker than mine by ten times as much. I always thought of my mom and how she took her coffee, black with two sugars but no cream when I looked at him. Me, I was cream poured in you might say, because I guess my mom had been white and my dad was black whereas I knew both of Terence’s parents were black. I knew that much back then I guess. My hair was jet black, slightly wavy and cut short against the side of my head while Terence’s dark black hair was braided and pulled tight against his scalp in what most black people called cornrows. The braids trailed down the side of his head and to the back until they came out from his head hanging down to his shoulders. He smiled a friendly smile as he walked over to me but I knew it was fake.

He put a hand gently on the box, and looked up at it appraising it with his eyes.

“It’s ours.” I blurted out, regretting it the moment I said it. Terence didn’t like it when you were defiant.

“It’s our now.” He simply said and came up to me and pushed me out-of-the-way where I fell to the ground hard. He nodded at his two brothers who took it as a sign to rush the box.

I got up and grabbed my brother’s hand and walked quickly away down the street. At the time, I told myself I was protecting my younger brother but inside I knew different. Fear had always been my friend. The farther I was away from them the less scared I became and the angrier I got. Then Terence yelled out to me and my brother asking if we wanted our box back.

We turned back to them thinking just for an instant that he might actually mean it. I took one hesitant step back towards them.

Then they laughed and started to destroy the box. They kicked at it, punched it, and ripped at the joints and corners with their hands, all the while laughing like it was the biggest joke in the world. Finally the box collapsed in on itself with all the beating it had undergone. Terence then climbed on top of it and began to jump up and down crushing with his feet. His brothers joined into until it was just a mangled piece of paperboard on the ground.

All the while this was happening; I stood there holding my younger brother’s hand as he began to cry next to me. A thunder began to roll in me with all the momentum of a giant wave rolling towards the shore. Gathering, gathering, collecting in strength until it would crash.

“You nigger!” I yelled with all the power my little voice could carry. I put behind the word all the hurt I felt, all the anger that had built up over the months, days and weeks of their constant bullying. I put it all into that one word and flung it like a rock straight at him. Some instinct inside told me that this one word would work and I had grabbed it and used it without thought.

“What did you call me?!” he asked. He wasn’t laughing anymore. He looked stunned.

I yelled it again and again. My mind railed the word over and over inside my head.

He didn’t make a move to chase me. He just stood there with his arms at his sides and fists clenched and then calmly but loudly yelled at me. “Tomorrow on the way home from school, I’m gonna get you then!” was all he said. Then he and his brothers simply walked away towards home leaving the crushed box in the middle of the sidewalk.

I walked home scared. I went to sleep scared. I woke up scared. I went to school scared. I sat in class all day scared. Then the bell rang to go home.

It was about a ten to fifteen minute walk from school to my house. Terence was a middle schooler and got out earlier than me nearby in the same neighborhood. I knew he would be waiting for me somewhere along the way home. If I was quick and ran nonstop all the way home, he might not even see me to catch me. So I ran.

I ran past friends in the hall not saying a word, I busted through the double doors of the school and sprinted across the street ignoring the crossing guard who yelled at me saying I was going to be in trouble tomorrow when I came back to school. I thought to myself I’m trying to stay alive today so I can come back to school tomorrow.

I didn’t look to my left I didn’t look to my right. I just ran like a bullet towards home with my target being my front door. I dodged my way around slow-moving kids in my way, at the next street I crossed against the light beating out a car turning the corner earning me a blaring horn in my ear.

Up ahead was the street next to my own. All I had to do was to cross it and then make a quick cut through the parking lot between the restaurant and the Goodwill Store and I was home free. No sign of Terence. Maybe he forgot. Maybe he never intended to show; maybe he was more talk than anything else.

I crossed the street in a run but slowed to a quick walk when I hit the sidewalk and entered the parking lot. I could see my house across the short field from the parking lot. I felt a small cocoon of safety settle over me seeing my home in sight.

Then there he was out of nowhere like he had appeared from thin air; right in from of me at the very edge of the parking lot. He ran at me. I couldn’t move. My mind screamed to run but my body didn’t want to cooperate. He grabbed the top of my shirt near my neck with both hands and shoved me heard against a parked car.

His eyes were wide and brown and they burned into me. I could almost feel the pressure from them pushing against my own.

“Why did you call me that!” he yelled at me pushing me hard again against the car.

“I don’t know I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I was mad. I’m sorry.” Tears started to come into my eyes.

He held me against the car just staring into my eyes. Then I saw something different in his than what I had just before. It wasn’t anger or menace. It was pain. Pain showed in his eyes. Deeply. I felt it to my core.

“I’m sorry Terence. I never should have said it. I never will again I promise, I promise. I’m sorry.” and I meant it to. I didn’t say it from fear. I had said it because in the end I truly was sorry. Yes he was a bully, and he treated my bad but he didn’t deserve what I had said. I felt ashamed of myself in that instant with his eyes looking back at me full of pain. I never thought he could feel pain, never thought it could touch him. No, that’s a lie, I told myself in that instant. I knew it could touch him, that’s why I had said it, but I had chosen to ignore what I had done.

I hung my head.

He let me go, hands slowly releasing me to fall down at his sides.

“See that you never do say it again.” he said and walked away.

I stood there in the parking lot for quite a while, not moving, and barely breathing with my head still hanging down staring at the ground.

I found the strength to pick my head up and realized as I made my slow walk home I didn’t know myself at all.

The End

Flash Fiction Story – ‘Flight through the Forest’


Marek ran hard through the thick underbrush, wary of outlying limbs or wet patches of dew covered  grass. No need to go down in a tumble, then he would should surely be dead. Almost there, he thought wildly.  Almost there, was still not near enough.  Do these things ever tire? The gods know I am, he thought.

He could hear their caterwauling screeches all around him as they communicated  to each other in some inane language he couldn’t began to understand, cooperating, trying to box him, trying to trap him. Intelligent little bastards, he wouldn’t have thought as much. Out the corner of his eye he saw a flit of shadowed forms appear and then disappear suddenly out of the darkened mists which collected in clumps on the forest floor like a rolling wispy snake crawling across the ground.

They were gaining on him.  If they surrounded him he would be hard pressed to fight through them.  One creature no problem,two no problem,hell not to boast but ten would probably be no problem for his strong sword arm,  but to his estimation there were hundreds. So he ran like the dog he was.

It didn’t help that as he ran he was hindered, with one hand having to hold the large package that he was hired to steal back from a temple of zealots buried deep in this god forsaken forest he now ran in. Half his job was done, now he was entrusted to return the package to its rightful owner, King Erris; whose contract he had  foolishly taken on. The second half of the deal was looking to be harder than the first had been.

Knowing of his reputation as a cunning fighter and fearless warrior they had offered him a payment of  twenty thousand in gold, literally a Kings ransom indeed! How could he refuse! The few meager coppers he had in his pouch along with the pitcher of ale in his hand when the King’s men approached him in the bar had been his only possessions besides the sword and the clothes on his back. The meager coin and ale looked more inviting at this moment, not to mention the big hipped serving  wench who had been giving him the eye all through the night while he drank his weight in spirits.

Let this be a lesson learned if he survived. Some jobs were just to big for any amount of gold to be had.

The King said the treasure stolen by the religious fanatics was more priceless than anything, worth more than a thousand kingdoms he had told him. If this treasure was not returned, kingdoms would fall, men would die, destinies would be denied. What was this treasure that the King had stolen from , Marek had asked. The King would not say even when Marek had pressed him. Only that he would know it  when he came upon it. Four other contracts such as him had already failed, some individuals like him, others who had went in teams of three or four.  Only one man had returned of them all, empty-handed and had died three days later from his inflicted wounds but not before giving them the valuable information of where the treasure was being held inside the temple.

Know it Marek soon did , as he had crept into the inner sanctum of the black veined marbled temple after scaling up the almost vertical walls to the uppermost parapets where he was told it would be housed in a circular chamber guarded by the blackest of demon dogs you never would wish to encounter. The three dogs surrounded its circumference , all clad in steel mail over their entire body with the color of the darkest pitch stealing the  light as it hit its surface.  Sharp canines dripped spittle from their massive muzzles to burn like acid upon the stones they walked.

Marek had quickly rushed one catching it by surprise sending it  over the edge to tumble and bounce against the hard stone far below.  The other two well, they had been a little tougher to deal with not being caught by surprise.

Luckily they had never been trained to work together against a common foe. As they advanced on him they actually more than once snarled and bit at each other to see who could get to kill Marek first.

He had used their dislike for each other to his  advantage by keeping one always in front him with the other behind its companion  causing the rear dog to lash out at the other dog’s heels in frustration.

He had  taken the front demon dog in the eye with the point of his sword when it was distracted sending it into a wild spasm as his sword entered into its brain and scrambled it like eggs in a frying pan.

The other dog had advanced on Marek slowly, weary now that its two companions had been so  quickly dealt with by this new adversary.

Marek knew he had to dispatch this thing soon before any others came along, but he didn’t dare go in for a strike to the thing’s mailed body and risk the creatures bite or even drippings of its spittle on him which could cause him to lose the use of his arm in an instant. So he did what he was good at, he ran.

The creature thought him scared and running for his life so it had become emboldened and ran after him. Marek ran faster and gained some distance on him and then he suddenly stopped. The creature’s momentum carried it forward and with blade held at eye level, Marek jumped high into the air toward the creature as it came in its headlong rush at him. He came down in a stabbing arc to the top of the creature’s head to bury his blade in deep dead center between the dogs ears punching through  the black mail covering its skull. It quivered and died.

With the last of the beasts dispatched he had entered through the bronze doors to the inner chamber.  There inside on a raised dais made of white marble inside a crystal bowl of the palest blue was a baby wrapped in a red silk blanket. Nothing else had been in the room chamber save that. So he knew what the treasure was as the King said he would.

These creatures that chased him now were different than the foul dogs he had faced. These things seemed almost human in nature but twisted with thin whip like bodies and elongated distorted  limbs propelled them through the forest after him. He only caught glimpses of them as he ran but that had been enough to spur him to a faster pace.

Through it all the baby had been as  quiet as a mouse not saying a word. It just looked up at him as he had run with its deep blue eyes with all the confidence in the world it seemed, that Marek would carry him from out of this place, safe and sound back to his home. For very personal reasons  one being his own neck, Marek didn’t want to let the little imp down.

The day was coming up fast as the sun was just breaking the horizon ahead through  the trees. Soon he would be able to see clearly what was chasing him. The trees were becoming more spread out and the vegetation less dominate in places. He was nearing the edge, he may yet have a chance. These creatures he was told, feared the desert, that was why the other man had made it out and back to tell the tale. He just had to get there first.

Then the thing happened he did not wish to have happened, his right foot caught the edge of a wet moss-covered rock throwing him off-balance. He instinctively rolled into the fall across the ground smothering the baby in a loose  but tight protective cocoon with his arms and hands as he did so. Marek ended up on his back looking up at the nighttime sky  through the forest trees, it was a dim blue with a wisp of white creeping in.

He heard the chattering of many voices draw near. Marek tried to stand but was met with pain in his left ankle. It felt like he had twisted it. Gods that ale would taste good right about now, he thought idly.

They drew in closer, from behind, to the left, right and now they closed the circle, in the front. His exit to the east was closed.

He forced himself to stand. fighting through the pain and drew his sword, leaning against a nearby tree for support. He saw an army of them crawling over the ground to him. Their eyes started to glow gold in the burgeoning light of day as they neared.

He looked down at the baby he held still with its eyes blue and confident in him. The treasure to topple Kingdoms the King had said, for destinies to be lost or made.  What will they say of me little one?

Marek reached out a finger to touch the little one’s cheek. The babe held up its to  little hand to grab it. Marek noticed a tattoo, better yet a birthmark it seemed on its small forearm in the shape of a Crescent moon with a pale mist of cloud passing in front of it.

Marek made a sharp intake of breath. Could it be. The Redeemer?

He had heard the prophecies but he had never thought to see it come in his lifetime.

He gripped his sword tighter in his hand and looked out at the horde. They were all but twenty feet away in tight circle about him. They had stopped. They were waiting for me to turn him over to them.

They stood motionless shoulder to shoulder. A hair could not have slid between the space they allowed.

Arms ending with three sharp talons rested on the ground twitched occasionally, perhaps in anticipation of his imminent death at their hands and the fulfillment of their task the creatures had been sent for..

They did not chatter at each other or at him.  They just looked at him with cold dead stares. Their thin slit likes mouths were all closed tight in a devilish grin as if to say game over my friend.

He did the only thing he could. He tigtened his grip on his sword and the little one and grinned right back and said,

“Come on.” He whispered softly.

The babes tattoo began to burn bright against its  flesh, the moon glowing on its skin as if set high in a nighttime sky.

The pain in his ankle was gone, his strength had returned tenfold.

He raised his sword high and came at them with a growl…

A Vampires Lament


Your skin breaks just like

the skin of an apple would

as my teeth sink in.

 

The taste of you floods

my dead mind with memories

of sweet Riesling fair,

 

Days gone, best left dead,

parties of friends buried deep,

a grave gone long cold.

 

Content I had been,

but did not yet know it then.

Death opened my eyes.

 

Sweet isolation,

now follows me everywhere,

a pale hallow friend.

 

My blood lust sated,

you fall to the rocks below,

a victim of me.

 

I could have turned you,

forced a light friendship to dark,

misery to share.

 

But love lingered still,

trapped in these immortal cells.

I did all I could.

 

You sleep the sleep I

seek in my dreams while I sleep

on a bed of nails.

 

Come to me lost ones,

I will take away the pain,

drink it into me.

I am your pardon

to a life God has sidelined,

your dark god on earth.

 

Your skin breaks just like

the skin of an apple would

as my teeth sink in.