I see life going by for the majority to my eye
on a whim.
Some,
I call Friends?
I’d like to feel that most of them
are.
But sometimes I feel like a whim
to them
As well.
At times.
A tolerated indulgence,
a distraction
they don’t have a
compulsion to fully realize.
Because the coolness
in me
doesn’t come close to them or those they
seek for true company.
I have been weighed you see,
by eyes that only
see what they wish to see.
in me.
So they never seek beyond
the surface to the
true me
That I rarely let others see.
So I live in whimsy
Now
Free from the, “What now?”
Mentality that once ruled
Inside
Of asking all the other lost encounters did you
She has ever flowed in this world, miles and miles she has traversed in life, across countries and continents seeking purchase to lands she may truly never call home, for her spirit ever wanders, and splits and meanders, through various tributaries in time spent wading the reeds of sandy shorelines but never truly staying still.
The Nile has a source and she has ridden it since it’s conception, mile and miles of it, at various depths running deep to shallow, wide to thin, precarious to serene.
She is a Princess of that Nile, through and through, but if you were to call her that , she might scoff but give you a grin all in one, for she knows her frailties, and all her seeming feelings on how life can throw a whirlwind into the small space of you and upend your world in a moment letting you know the humility of life and the choices you think you may own.
But she is a Princess, a proud one, a strong one, a respected one, a forceful one, revered and honored, a friend, a sister to me and to many. She knows the strength in her bones and the force with which she wields it, even though she may not admit it, she will still give you a grin even though that grin may not reach her eyes.
She has wisely guided others in this existence, this wandering, even as she herself chafes against her own that pushes her down, yet she lifts others up.
The river has taken a precarious turn again, bend upon bend , upon bend…all sharper than the last, she sees them all plainly ahead, on the horizon.
She is resolute however. For what other course can she travel but the one already laid bare before her?
She may not want to see it, but the resiliency in her is awe inspiring, and that this Princess of the Nile needs to know that she has found her home in all the ones she has touched in her travels and her in them a hundredfold.
(Candice is booked to go to the Mayo ClinicAugust 14 for 2 weeks. She is doing a GoFundMe because the cost of living up there for two weeks alongside the medical expenses and travel will be substantial. She wants to thank everyone who has helped, even $5 goes so far and helps so much. Even sharing the GoFundMe or just being supportive, is life saving for her and I am so very, very grateful. If you can spare $5 please go to the GoFundMe which is legitimate and run by her here: https://gofund.me/66328c9d or her PayPal at candicelouisa@rocketmail.com – thank you so very much. She hates begging but it’s so important to finally get there and get some help after these awful eight years of ups-and-downs and her being so sick now again. Any amount however small really adds up and helps her make this happen. ( her words, but just changed to third person by me)
If I didn't have her in my life
I would be less than
My days would be dim,
and my smile would be less inclined.
I would know loneliness,
I would know isolation
and I would cry the fool every night
of my life if I didn't have this woman
to hold on to when
all the world swung from wrong to
right and back again.
She's a sweet one, my woman,
she's a handful to, but she's
grabbed a handful of my heart
will all the strength she has in
her, and I don't feel her ever wanting
to let go anytime soon.
If I didn't have her in my life,
I would ask the Universe why
But I don't have to ask that question.
Because she's right here,
right now, in my arms.
By Philip Wardlow Aug 22nd 2022
Your pretty face was
not an image in my head.
You were non-existent;
invisible in my reality.
Then right in front
of me, you shone
like a day
that never knew light.
You popped in gloriously
and I could not look away.
How many turnings of the Earth,
how many cycles of the Moon
have gone by since that fateful date
of our conjunction?
You were magic found that night,
a treasure uncovered, a beacon
in a blanket of fog as
I held you tight,
dancing,
the music playing,
me dissolving into you.
Now you are ever present,
you sit in my mind
Never moving an inch
for I hold you fast in me.
For the lover you are now.
For the friend you will always be.
I like to think on the not so long ago,
when the Universe
brought your brightness
to me, and that I never want
it to leave.
She’s a Beauty,
well of course she is,
that’s never been in doubt,
that red haired flaming fireball
of a woman
burned her initials into my
heart awhile ago,
Searing her mark way down
deep into
my soul.
She’s a Beauty,
sweet as can be.
a saucy strawberry in a bowl
of vanilla ice cream, a
a cool sugary lemonade on a hot
summers day.
She’s a Beauty,
mythic and magical
and lovely as Aphrodite, and
inviting as the Mona Lisa
in her playful smile when
she sees me
walk her way.
She’s a Beauty,
my best friend
to the end
my pal, my buddy, my companion
my lover, my go to confidant
for intimacy is the definition of us
Some days are often dreams
she wakes from,
half remembered.
Perhaps best
forgotten.
Tears are given,
gravity catching,
taken by a lover far below
the sheer cliff she sits.
He climbs to her,
tears clutched tight
Ever ascending
Slow, ponderously,
Inch
by
Inch
By
Inch
He is a patient man
looking up,
giving her a full
loving smile
There is no other
place he’d rather be
For the view is
spectacular below
and above
to the girl
he’s trying to
reach.
I wake up early
Laying there in the dull
grey darkness.
Aches, pains, tensions, and worries
intrude then.
Some I expect and accept, others I reject.
The rejected ones
Need to leave me be.
Just be
For once.
Perhaps this is what being
is for me.
Has always been
This conflicted contentment
This feared future
Not ever defined
Until it comes to pass
These runaway days
I chase after but they
fade, fade, fade
But I breathe a whispered
fuck you Mr. Future.
And get up when
the sun shines through
into my room.
Kiss you on the
cheek
And enjoy this
beautiful day.
Bright reds
Calming blues
Exploded
In my head
Crazy swirling futures
Abounded when you came
Into view
Hope returned
Tender thoughts flowed
simply knowing you existed
in this world
You brought me to my knees
Seeking something
close to you
If it could not be you
Oh,
If it could not be you
Let it be something
Close to you.
Please see
You are my direction
I seek,
My compass
Following
True North
I have become a
free spirit forever
flowing down
a lazy river to your
final embrace
of your
welcoming shores
I could call her a flash of lightening
cuz she blinded me back then
oh she blinded me good.
I still need my seeing eye dog
to get
me to and from.
She turned my head
whiplash fast
entering that room
Now when she enters the bedroom, oh
its my doom.
I hope the doctors
are standing by because I’m
gonna need revived
after she uses me up.
Again.
I tell her she doesn’t
realize how beautiful she is.
How her smile catapults
my heart.
How her dark green eyes
slam into me like
an unseen force
Words come hard at times
So, So hard
When did I ever get so lucky
When did I ever deserve such as you.
Don’t pull that rug from under me.
Let me stand here
just holding you
just knowing you
forever
You are my favorite dish
of ice cream, I linger
slowly in tasting
You are my home, my creature comfort
You are my heartbeat.
Ain't no rest for the Wicked - Philip Wardlow - The real and the sensual sides to life in all its facets.. 