Tag Archives: blogger

Questions for Aspiring Authors Inspired by fellow writer Jodi Llewellyn

A fellow blogger, follower and most importantly writer like myself, Jodie Llewellyn posed the following questions below on her blog….she’s got a great blog by the way…go check it right  out HERE if you so choose. I follow her and I think you should as well.

Go check out her responses and her other followers…and perhaps share your own thoughts there or here also. I hope Jodi forgives me for stealing her stuff…but she’s got nice…stuff..:)..btw did anyone ever tell you have too many L’s in your name…

Below are my responses to her questions:

1. What are your grand ambitions as a writer?  Grand ambitions..HA..To  have one of my Novels be one of the FIRST books sitting on an astronaut’s bookshelf on the first settlement on Mars

2. Is there a type of character you always tend to write about?   A misunderstood person who overcomes adversity and ends up the hero  (the underdog of course)

3. How do you really know if you have talent or if you’re just wasting your time? By comparing myself to others tells me I have talent…I just need more discipline dammit…:)

4. What is your least favourite part about writing? Having the courage to sit down and write that first sentence.

5. If you could escape into just one book —like literally go INSIDE that book— which one would you choose? Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time Series

I appreciate my Followers


Just wanted to let my followers know  I appreciate you hanging on and your support .  I am writing writing writing  as always…thanks for your likes and your occasional comments!

New Short story to come on here and as always working on  FIRST novel that I am so TRYING to get finished for this year and ready for submission to Publishers.

So keep following, more great things to come…:)

What is your earliest human memory? – Comments most welcome

I remember moving into our new house and there were curtains hanging over the front living room window when we walked in.  My mom opened them up to let in more light into the room and two bats came flying out…it scared the shit out of my mom…but I thought it was the coolest thing…I was about three or four.


Again Comments are most Welcome…I would like to know a little more about my followers…(or passer-byes)

“I would…But” A Writing exercise and my little stab at humor.

When I am in a rut like I am right now with my writing I often try to jump-start my brain with a Writing Exercise or two.  The next few posts will be focused on breaking past that block and showing you the results of my own exercises that I am trying.  As I have said in the past in my other posts there is no such thing as writer’s blocks just more of what I would call a writing malaise if you will.  So here is one of my first attempts to get out of it and start being more productive with my Novel and Short stories…

I like to often challenge the brain by forcing me to come up with a solution.  Be it a short scenario or situation to get out of, a cause/affect, or an  if/then kinda thing.  I wanted to have fun with that concept  a little so I decided doing it in a joke format called ” I would …But”  … so here goes my little stab or stabs at humor. They are in the order in which they were created first btw.  My goal was Ten..my brain was hurting a little towards the end. Hey its hard to be funny!   I hope I don’t make you suffer or groan out loud too much…:).

1.  I would call you an ass but you’d take it as a compliment.

2. I would say I love you but you might hold me to it.

3. I would say my ships about to come in but I just found out it was called the Titanic.

4. I would love to have sex with you but the sign above your head says now serving No.4 and I’m holding No.99 and I just can’t wait that long.

5. I would say you are the most beautiful woman in the world but I just had a sex change so I would be lying.

6. I would give strippers more money but they hate it when I try and make change for a five.

7. I would say the state of the world as a majority is mostly apathetic to the causes that face our planet on a daily basis and that we as a human race need to stand up and say enough is enough, let’s fight for what we believe in and have the guts and determination and discipline to stand behind our principles to forge a better brighter tomorrow for ourselves and our future posterity  but then again I don’t really care to leave my couch much.

8. I would like to thank my esteemed colleagues,co-workers, and friends who I climbed over and stomped on that helped make this all possible but for the life of me I cannot remember any of their damn names.

9. I would be a junkie but I am afraid of anything going in my nose, or needles into my arm, I would be a prostitute but I’m afraid of committment for cash, to much pressure to  perform I guess, I would be an alcoholic but I may be forced to go to AA one day and I just hate crowds and public speaking.

10. I would like to write a book that at least half the world would gush over and ooh and aw at it but I’m thinking I would have to kill about  7,640,000,011 Billion People to make that happen…dammit make that 7,649,000,012…I missed one!

Well there you have it…hope you enjoyed it as much as me…and I didn’t really enjoy it all that much myself…I’m just trying to jump-start myself as I said….

I will do another post soon to jump start my brain called Toilet Tuesday….its where I go into my bathroom at work with a pad and pen, push the button on the exhaust fan for  10 minutes and see what I come up with for a quick short story…and yes.. I am serious I will be seriously doing this…just you wait and see… I hope it’s something good. ( and no I am not actually going to the bathroom while I’m in there…I’m just using the timer function….sheesh what do you take me for)

Till next we meet…:)

If I could Climb Inside – A Poem

I grab your head tight in a vice as you sleep sedated,

I make multiple cuts deep; past skin, past bone.

I pull back the flaps and climb inside.

Amidst a tangled mess I stand,

wires frayed and disconnected,

terminals cracked and decayed with

gears full of gunk and stuck tight

not moving.

A frown comes to my face, for this

cannot be all there is to you.

You seem to be dead inside, no lights

flicker on the walls to indicate an energy has

ever lived here…but yet I sense something.

A weak rhythmic hum travels into my feet,

as transient electrons skip through you

from somewhere buried deep.

I smile for I see there is hope yet to be had

Something yet lingers.

I set my tool bag slowly down

upon the floor and begin my work.

By Philip Wardlow

Killer Pumpkins – A poem for Halloween

Killer Pumpkins

Ba dump…ba dump…ba ba dump.



They roll.

They stroll

down the streets;

orange and angry.

Why do they roll?

Why are they not in bed,

with green leaves as blankets

To cover their orange ripply heads.

I suppose they’re pissed off

for being left behind

in the patch.

What the fuck was wrong

with them, they ask.

It’s Halloween and they’ve

waited long enough.

Knives in hand with

grins carved in,

ready to show

the little tricker-treat bastards

a real killer


So they roll

and they stroll

down the street.

Ba dump.

A Tidbit to my Novel I’m working on…and how my own characters must hate me.

I am always thinking of the next best story….but that thinking distracts me from the actual story I’m working on at that time….

I so often will get from anywhere three to eight pages into a story I’m working only to find myself having to put it down  (temporarily mind you)  to start on whole new idea.  I JUST have to start on it or else it will just leave my brain never to return…I have get into the idea for a few pages…I just have to…or else I’ll lose it…I just know it.

In the past few months,  I have been working on three stories and my novel…I love all four stories equally in their own way.

Needless to say ALL four have been suffering from lack of real attention….One of my characters has been sitting in  a deep dark hole and is bruised and battered  and very afraid and desperate to get out of his predicament (he doesn’t know how much trouble he’s really in…..he he)  Oh just you wait my dear friend .  He’s been lying there for a weeks waiting for his story to go forward.

I have a cast of characters in one story in various stages of their life waiting to accomplish deeds of heroism or not so  very not heroic acts…one guy has killed his wife…the other is a prisoner by small demons …and another is about to do something awful to himself at school and all their worlds are destined to collide….sounds interesting huh…I bet you wish you could read this one…me to… They’ve been in stasis for a few weeks as well.

I’ve got these other two characters and they’ve been moving….(in molasses but they have been moving,  and the story is oh so close to be finished..I can’t wait to show to you it on here….but I think they all are  really starting to hate me…I mean if I were them I would …..I’ve trapped them in limbo…I’ve got to get them out….I can hear them calling to me in my sleep when I dream..

Have you felt ever felt that way about your characters for not finishing their story fast enough? (or not at all!)

Well  I am regaining focus and I am going to finish all those damn stories by hook or  by crook (I’ve always loved that phrase)

Also here and below  is a small opener to my very first full length Novel entitled tentatively “The Thing Under the Bridge” that I plan on finishing by – cross your fingers –  the end of January 2013. It will be a Young Adult Category Novel in the Urban Fantasy Genre

Excerpt from “The Thing Under the Bridge”  Working Title –

I have always believed in magic. I don’t care what you say. You can doubt all you want. There is a hidden world which we cannot see sitting right in front of our faces, most everyone is too busy, too
blind, or too stupid to see it. I see it in the trees as the ethereal distance winds kiss the leaves as it flies through their branches. I spy it dancing in the fire amidst the embers at night; like little tiny sprites hopping from log to log amidst the flames playing a game of tag. I smell it in a wild rose in a crowded field of jostling weeds flinging its pheromones to attract the butterflies to alight on its silken petals. I hear it in the babbling brook as the water plays upon the rocks behind my home whispering to the frogs as it travels on downriver. I feel it in the rough stone I caress in the palm of my hand; an ancient power from ages past unearthed from the deep bowels of the earth from the crumbs of a mighty stone titan long dead. It is everywhere if you would only choose to see. The
magic speaks to me because I choose to listen and I almost understand what it
is saying

Chapter 1 – Reality Sets In


I tasted the blood that trickled down to my upper lip from my nose. It had a sweet metallic taste. I liked the taste of my blood. I am not a weird person don’t get me wrong, I’m not into to that kind of stuff.  I just like to sometimes pretend that I’m Conan the Barbarian and I’m backed up against the wall and that I’m fighting an angry horde of ghoulish creatures hell-bent on gutting me like a fish and eating my entrails as I watch. I have my sword hacking and slashing and limbs are flying and I’m scratched all to hell and I’m bleeding from a dozen different wounds and I’m smiling insanely because this could be my last day alive so why not go out smiling like a true warrior would upon meeting his death well met in battle. Yeah, I like to have my mind go to places like that when I would be rather be anywhere than where I am right now.

“Hold him down dammit he’s a squirmer! Fucking idiot, you see what he did to Carlos? He’s crazy man!” Carlos had it coming, I told myself as I lay on the ground struggling under two other boys who each probably outweighed me by a hundred pounds.  They wouldn’t have caught me if one of the bystanders hadn’t tripped me while I was trying to get away. Trying to get away, that’s all I ever do, until now.

I am not a violent person but I will admit it felt pretty good to see the plastic lunch tray connect solidly against the side of Carlos’s head and watch him go down in a daze, not to mention the stunned looks of his buddies who were now holding me down who put him up to flipping my lunch tray to the ground as I had walked by. It was classic man, just classic.

“What the hell are you smiling about you sick bastard. I am so gonna you end, just wait. I always knew you were a weird little fucker. That’s why you don’t have any friends.”

Aah, Jake the jerk off, as I like to call him, a man, or boy better yet, of not many words. I guess his Dad couldn’t buy him vocabulary to stuff inside that brain of his. I’m thinking his Dads more the type that likely bought’em a good weight set and a big box of protein bars cuz he was crushing the hell out of my left shoulder with his knees as I lay there on the ground.

“Get the fuck off me!” I yelled at them while my face was being pressed firmly into the dirt. I might as well been yelling at the moon for all the good it did.  I was a punching bag to them. A distraction out of their boring day of the life they called school. I provided a service to them I guess. They needed a reason to feel special while they were here.  Everyone wants to feel special.

“Hey watch this Neil.” Jake said to the other kid that was holding me. It was amazing but Neil was actually more stupid than Jake was. I’m thinking the Smithsonian would have been really pleased to know a Neanderthal was still walking the earth. Neil had a prominent forehead, squashed face which held a dull look and knuckles that dragged the ground as he walked almost upright. He would have look great stuffed and mounted. It was a wonder he could tie his own shoes.  Oh wait, was that Velcro for laces instead? I had a pretty good view at his feet at this particular time so I had a moment to check them out.

“Whut?” Said Neil responding dumbly to him bent over next to my ear. Then I heard it, the long drawing in sound of phlegm back into the throat.

It landed with a splat on the top of my forehead and traveled like a river down into my right eye blinding me and causing me to lose it entirely. I thrashed and heaved and went into what I like to call my insane berserker barbarian rage. This had little effect but it did cause Jake to fall off from kneeling on my back which eased some of the pain I was feeling. I’ll take what I can get.

I realized in that instance, that the audiences that come to fighting events come to watch entirely for selfish reasons.  It is not to support the fighter; they want something out of it for all the money they plunked down. Apparently being stuck at school was the payment enough for all the other students just standing around watching my shame to unfold. They wanted to be entertained by my pain in some sick way, like the involuntary morbid thrill you get in watching a horror movie unfold knowing you feel bad for the victim, but not really because but what can you do?  They convinced themselves they are just a spectator to it all, that they are allowed to be insulated from it, please don’t ask for me to lend a hand they say, your crazy. I was just another pathetic soap opera to be talked about between their friends and family, to be kept at a distance and to not bog their day down. Their hand was on the dimmer switch that controlled the light of my life into theirs and they could choose to let in however much they thought they could take. Right now all those hands on all those switches were set to full off. I think I hated them more in that instance than the ones who picked on me on a daily basis.

“Break it up! Break it up!”  A loud high screeching of a woman’s voice cut through the chaos that was my crazed mind and through the crowd of onlookers as well. Mrs. Kitchen, a teacher and woman of enormous proportions waddled over her way through the ring of kids surrounding us to see what had caught everyone’s attention. I heard her gasp out aloud so theatrically when she came upon the scene that I almost laughed out loud.

Jake and Neil quickly let me go to show her they weren’t just trying to shove my head into the dirt and make me eat it.  I saw the crowd starting to disperse around me, the bloodshed was over; be about your way miscreants.

I slowly got up from the ground and wiped the spit and grass clippings from my face with the sleeve of my shirt.

“Would someone like to tell me what’s going on? I found Carlos back there picking himself off the ground and now I find Calvin doing pretty the same thing over here. What’s going on?” Her voice went to a higher octave on the shrill level factor if that was possible and she put her hands on her very wide hips, tapping her foot impatiently expecting an answer. Yep, she was your typical stereotype, they do exist.

“He hit Carlos for no reason.” Neil said pointing at me like he was fingering me like some criminal in a line up.  Neil just kept quiet.

“Is this true Calvin?”  She asked.

“Yes and no,” I said, “Yes, I hit him, but I wouldn’t say it was for no reason. He had it coming, they like to provoke me.” I said and be damned with the consequences I was done caring anymore.

“Let’s see what Mr. Granderson has to say about all this. Let’s go.” She marched us into the schools office area where we sat and waited while all the parents were called.

More to come…

Chuck Norris Jokes for my Quote of the Week – Gotta love it!

Here some of  the TOP  Chuck Norris Jokes (Facts)…Yes FACTS ….ladies and gentlemen

1.  Chuck Norris once sold ebay, to ebay, on ebay.
2.   Chuck Norris doesn’t dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone.

3.   Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.

4.    Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

5.   Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

6.   Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

7.  When Chuck was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: “What is courage?” Chuck received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.

8.  Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

9.  Chuck Norris doesn’t play “hide-and-seek.” He plays “hide-and-pray-I-don’t-find-you.”

10.  Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

11.  Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

12.  Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

13.  Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

14 . Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not “attempt” murder.

15.  Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.

17.  Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

18.   Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.

19.  When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.

20.  When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he’s telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

21.   Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

22.  A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.

23.   Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris’ PC will crash.

24.  Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

25.  Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there is no signs of life.

26.  When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.


Dung Beetle

Sometimes I feel like a  Dung Beetle,

rolling shit around,

first up one hill then down the next,

then up another hill,

continuously rolling and pushing and prodding

it across the ground.

What is the purpose of this rolling, and tolling

this incessant cajoling

of this excrement that falls into a perfect form;

a sphere of shit?

Well I guess you could look at it  this way

at the end of the day

I get to eat it.