Tag Archives: love

This Maze


Maze

Even if we had a road map in this maze
of life we would still get lost.
Reason why?
We all go the way we ultimately want,
even through pitfalls, dead ends
and switchbacks,
Thinking we know better,
feel we know better,
know we know better than
the lines already burned onto
the pages of the past
from the ones who
came before that,
drawing their travels in blood
and then us tearing up the map.

The current oh “wise ones” say, “I see your pain you
went through, sir or madam,
but ya know what? I think I wish
to go through the same
just to see if the outcome
will be different for me.”

And surprise, surprise
it isn’t,
So we cry, we cry
and wonder why
we were all denied
that blue ribbon or
that shiny gold star that others seem so often to attain
Is it perhaps because you never
learned that golden lesson…

Life doesn’t owe you shit.

by Philip Wardlow July, 2024

Circe, the tragic Goddess of Love


She dwelled deep in the dark woods, on the isle of Aeaea off the west coast of Italy in the Mediterranean Sea in a glorious palace all alone.

Alone you say? You would be wrong to think that. Oh very wrong indeed.

For she was surrounded by a menagerie of pets always keeping her company; from the wolves that roamed far and wide, to lions lazily lingering near her as she sat her throne, to the birds nesting at her feet, or the occasional pig rutting the grounds outside.

Some called her a Goddess, others knew her to be an enchantress, or the darkest of witches to ever run afoul of.

What ever she was, all knew her as Circe, the woman who lived on the island of Aeaea, with hair of flowing fiery rays and oftentimes a temper to suit. 

She was no temptress, yet some did claim her to be the daughter of a sea nymph, so that is perhaps why many a man was beguiled to find himself led to her isle.

Lucky you could be, if you were to find her. However, she did not suffer fools, for if you were funny and clever and easy on her eyes, she would take you as her lover and perhaps let you leave after a year and a day.

But be you arrogant or a swine, well, she would surely turn you into one, to rut the grounds of her great estate like the pig you were.

Turn away her advances of love and devotion, she might just concoct a potion for you to drink to transform your soul and form into that of a loyal lion always by her side.

Think you her better? She would send you to join the pack that roams the island always at her beck and call, and you would serve, oh so willingly with a snarl and a smile.

Oh, be you a resistant King come to call? Well, a bird you could become, wings clipped, with a special place for you nesting at her feet nearby.

Never satisfied was Circe of love being denied when wanting to be given, she is a cautionary tale of many a man’s follies followed soon by her own.

So diabolically desperate was she, always to love, that none ever did in return, for they always saw the darkness seething underneath tucked away in her heart.

Unrequited love will forever perhaps be her destiny until her heart finds its true form from whence it was first born, at peace, light, and burning with the intensity of a thousands suns.

By Philip Wardlow Dec 27th,2023

Falling to Me


This very day of days, six years ago, she fell, 
unprotected, falling fast
falling hard,
but never did I think her destiny and I's were
linked.

For what would a beauty such as she want with a simple man like me?
As always, I was too blind to see.

Surely I was just a dalliance, a distraction, a small detour
on the road to a much bigger prize.

But there she was, as soft as you please , entangled in my
arms, wanting the solace and the silence, not just my manly charms
in the sheets.

She wanted the comfort, the safety, the silence in her mind, all intertwined with a kiss and small caress.

She fell then , fell, fell like a stone into a welcoming well, and I enveloped her,
her beautiful warmth permeating deep, deep, deep within me.

I was hers then, body and soul.

Hers alone.


by Philip Wardlow Dec 20th, 2023










No Other way


She is a Lady, but never in waiting, she can be needy like a Princess, oh yes assuredly so, at times she can be blind as a bird in a blizzard, at others, attentive as a mother bear to her cubs, she can be sweet as the sweetest berry upon the branch, or sting like a bee if swatted at. She is a beautiful daydreaming creature of the most magical sort, and I am surprised most days what trickles from her mind out to her mouth. All I know is that I love this mish mosh of a beautiful girl and I wouldn’t want her any other way…

by Philip Wardlow August 31st, 2023

Bloody Car Load of Resentments


I don't ever wish to come home and not truly see you or not want to.
I don't ever wish not to be truly seen by you or you not want to see me.
I don't ever wish for all our bloody car load of resentments to ever cause us
to drive off the road over a cliff into despair, anxiety, anger or despondence for each other.

I want contentment in one another to be our loadstone, to  pull us towards the mirth in life,  the tranquil moments, and to delight in the delving of what made us fall in love, and to always be ready to be jubilant with another without fear, judgement or reproach. 

I want you to fall into my arms and for me to fall into yours, lovely, tenderly,  for all the years down the road  together ahead, flinging resentments to the wind out the car window, and holding  fast to each others hands like new lovers on  a magical trip, seeking new discoveries around every bend.

by Philip Wardlow  August 21, 2023






Fears




If I think too much on losing her, my
body goes taunt and tight,
muscles as rigid as a high wire cable,
then  shaking like  a nervous  tightrope
walker traversing a great height. 

Why would I lose her?
Everything will work out fine.
Love conquers all.  Right?

"Love" did conquer all once and she 
left me.

I didn't seem to be mean too much to her at the end

Am I now?  Will I be in  a month, a year, a decade?

Will she give up on me?

Will I be to blame?
Does every past  failure 
play a part in a possible future one
or the success in
not  losing you.
With wisdom found.

What makes me special?

What makes her say to herself, 
I shall keep him for all my
days to come no matter what

I guess I do. 
I make her want say to herself,
I shall keep him
And so I shall always 
keep showing her
she wants to say
I shall keep you.

By Philip Wardlow August 2023

Taking the Time


That first date we road a Merry-Go-Round together because I wanted you to experience the magic of the world that I knew you sought inside yourself that had been so long denied.

I wanted to show you how cherished by me you already were and would be for all our days to come. I couldn’t tell you that just yet, but I felt all the feels for you and wanted to give you my world and share every adventure with you for the rest of our days together.

Five years on that feeling has not changed a bit.

Yet, I have let time steal many a precious moment from you and I. Many a magical moment that could have been, but never were.

Love is not enough, but being present with you, feeling you, knowing you, listening to you, connecting with you in all the ways that matter most like in the beginning is the magic you sought and need.

I let the days drain that magic away. I should have held on tighter, fought every day with my last breath for you in sustaining that enchantment.

Close to you is where I wish to be. Always

I am sorry I let time take that closeness.

It’s time to take it back.

By Philip Wardlow August 2nd , 2023

My Snowman


Snowman

I find that I can sometimes be a slow learner at things pertaining to life in all its facets, my life has been much like building a snowman  where you have to make three sections to it.

The bottom comes first and by far the most arduous to make….at first, it starts as just a small snowball in your hands, then you slowly begin to pack more and more snow on to it, as it grows in size, you begin pushing it around  the yard to fill in any cavities around its circumference, now its getting even bigger,  you roll and roll again  to get it bigger until you get it to the size you want. You pat and pack, pat and pack, over and over to just the right rounded beautiful shape.  You take great care in its preordained geometry you see in your mind’s eye ahead, and you smile at your growing  conception.

But then, perhaps some asshole bully at this time walks by and  runs straight at you and then jumps as high as he can into the air to come down crashing on your  growing creation…destroying your nice round ball entirely…

You look  down at your mangled ball of nothingness, then up at the wide proud grin of the bully and you kick him in the
balls…. HARD.

****PAUSE LIFE****

Decision time….do you repeat the process all over again or say fuck it  and go inside for some hot chocolate?

You decide to forge ahead, but this time in the back yard away from all the asshole bullies in your fucked up neighborhood of hypocrites of mom’s and dad’s who created such a monster of a bastard.  Pissed off, you finish that bottom ball, righteously bitching the whole time and then move on to the second.

Then comes the middle portion and if you make it perfectly like the first  in shape but slightly less in size for it will compliment the bottom in proportion for the illusion of a very good looking snow-body.  Now,  if you were very ambitious and had rolled a very large bottom ball, then the second ball of snow will be very heavy  to lift on top of the bottom one. But you must lift it …. because you have to put the head on after this.. Because you need a head.

Well most people in life do anyways but some do seem fine without one. They must bump into a lot of walls on a daily basis for without eyes to see you cannot see. Never see.

So if you are strong, yet careful  it goes up easily,   but sometimes its just a bit too heavy and you drop it , or perhaps you hold it just a little bit too tight and the ball crumbles apart in your mittened hands. Now you have to start all over.

FUCK! you yell in the backyard to no one.

Your mother open’s up the back door and sticks her head out, “Did you say something dear?” she asks, clutching against the cold coming through the door.

“No, I did not mother. A raven flew by, yelling it’s opinions at me,” I said.

“Oh, that’s nice dear, have fun.” She said, and popped her head back inside and closed the door.

You smile inwardly. Because your mother can be an annoyance but she checked in on you and that makes you feel warm even on this cold day

So you finish your snowman, humming all the while, with no cussing at your mistakes or your misgivings of the process you just are building your snowman and having a good day.

By Philip Wardlow July 5th 2023

This Journey


I could never see walking into this tomorrow without you.
Every single step  keeps you in mind
present as the air I breath deep into my lungs,
you are life giving, needed,
cherished, appreciated, and wanted beyond measure.
This Journey we take is long in the making
with pitfalls and obstacles aplenty.
But my heart is unfathomable in the many ways that it loves you
and boundless as the sky  in the expanse of what you mean
to me with every waking moment of my life.
Take my hand. Hold it tight.
I am never letting go.

by Philip Wardlow June 23, 2023 



Forging


I'm forging ahead into the far flung
burning like an ember running down a shadowed
trail just past the witching hour.

Stars peak at me through the trees
as I traverse, curious at my passage whispering
amongst themselves at where I might be going.

I would like to know as well, for it's always been
a mystery to me, I forge, and I forge, and I forge
always wondering where my beautiful
failures and successes
will take me.

by Philip Wardlow June 2023